Just Like a Forgotten Dream
by SleepyNinjaCats
Summary: When Kaoru is plagued by thoughts of Suicide will Hikaru be able to save him? Or is he in fact the cause?
1. Chapter 1

***Chapter 1***

***A Sound Mind Can be Poisoned by Just a Single, Simple Idea...***

I'm not exactly sure when life started to loose its meaning.

Did it occur suddenly? Or had it just built up over time until it reached this point? I wasn't sad or anything, it was just that with each passing day my life started to feel more and more like...a dream. When you went to sleep you could have the greatest dream in the world; the life you've always wanted, but if you forgot it upon waking it was like it never happened and you go about your day as usual, never knowing the piece of your heart that faded away.

I often wondered if death was like that; your life fading away like that same forgotten dream, and once you were gone from the world you wouldn't even remember you were ever a part of it to begin with. All your dreams, all your memories, all of your thoughts, ideals, the experiences and emotions and people you told yourself over and over you would never forget, everything gone as if your very existence never happened.

And that's when I started thinking _what's even the point of it all?_ After your gone, the only ones who grieve are your friends and family, they pause their lives to cry and mourn while the rest of the world keeps going. Eventually they move on as well; your memory becoming another forgotten dream. Sometimes they'll remember this dream and relapse into tears. But once they accept that your truly gone they stop crying over the dream; they stop crying over you. And when they move on, that's the moment when your truly gone from this earth, and they always move on.

Thats when another thought crossed my head. A thought I wished so dearly hadn't:

_If I kill myself, they'll move on._

I could finally stop being a burden to others; to Hikaru. He will move on just as if my memory was a forgotten dream. Sure he'll remember pieces of the dream and cry but not for long. He can finally have a life outside of our little two-person world. I know I'm only 15 but after I'm gone I won't even remember that. I wont remember never getting to finish high school, never getting to go to college, never finding a career, never settling down and starting a family; once I'm gone it will be like those ambition never even existed, because _I_ will have never existed.

If I kill myself, the only burden left will be sadness, but they will move on and cast away that sorrow.

It will hurt me, but not for long.

It will hurt Hikaru, but not for long.

This is what's best for him.

And to me, it will be like it never happened.

_Just like a forgotten dream..._


	2. Chapter 2

***Chapter 2***

***Onset - I'm absolutely SURE this isn't normal... ***

"You ok, Kaoru? You've been pretty spacey lately..."

I looked up from my English homework and saw my twin brother looking at me from across the library table.

"Yeah, Hikaru I'm fine. Just having some trouble pronouncing this sentence." I slid the paper across the table to him. He took one look and slid it back.

"No clue..."

"Is that what it says?"

"No I have no clue what it says."

"Oh!" I proceeded to write 'I have no clue what it says' when he stopped me.

"No! You know that's not what I meant!"

"Oh!" I erased, " you-know-that's-not-what-"

"OH MY GOD!"

I fell out of the chair laughing to the sheer horror of the librarian as we broke the Library's one and only rule in spades. As she kicked us out my mind started to wander again.

Truth be told, I knew all along what the sentence said. I'd just spaced out again thinking about the same thing as yesterday. There was nothing wrong with me. I was perfectly happy. I had friends, goals, ambitions, my life was always full of laughter and love and the future looked brighter than ever. But the idea of killing myself was slowly poisoning my mind. It wasn't like I had some sort of fascination with death or anything, I don't even know where the thought came from! It just suddenly appeared there and as the days went by it slowly started to justify its presence. It was so out of place in my mind that i frequently questioned whether it was actually my thought or someone elses that sort of fell into my head by accident. I don't know if it's reason for being there is right but the idea was slowly becoming my own.

I really hope I'm not losing my mind.

Once we got home, Hikaru started doing some sort of potty dance and flew up the stairs leaving me holding back laughter in his wake.

"It won't be so funny when it happens to you!" He quickly called back before disappearing into the hallway.

I walked up the stairs towards our room, pausing at the bathroom door. "Are you pooping in there?"

"No!"

"Yes you are!"

"Shut up!"

I laughed again.

_It's almost sad he doesn't know what I'm planning to do_

...wait, _planning_? Was I actually going to _do_ this!?

I ran down the hall and into our shared bedroom. I threw my bookbag into the corner and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked so forgiving as they stared back at me. The look my reflection was giving me made me feel guilty for having such thoughts. I watched as forgiving eyes morphed into sorrowful orbs that begged me not to put anyone; not to put _Hikaru_ through that kind of pain. Thats when I noticed that the bangs in my reflection were being mirrored just like the rest of me and I starred in horror when I realized my reflection was an exact copy of Hikaru, with those same pleading eyes _'Dont do this to me Kaoru!'_

I tore my gaze from the mirror. It's not like I was really going to kills myself, right? Of course not! Thats so stupid! I cleaned up my face a little, remembering all the times I would scoff at suicide victims. Victims? Hah! Those weren't victims, those were morons with knives! No matter how bad a day you were having you just had to move on, it always got better in the future, killing yourself was so stupid!

I shook my head and looked at my bookbag. I should be finishing my homework but instead I did what most teenage boys did when they had homework...Xbox!

When Hikaru finally made it out of the bathroom he threw his bookbag down next to mine and grabbed a sharpie and some post-it notes out of the nightstand by our bed. I watched as him snicker as he drew something on it. I paused the game to see what it was.

He held back another laugh as he held up the post-it. He had drawn a troll face meme. Underneath the scrunched up face it said '_Problem?_'. He had also drawn on clothes pin on its nose for good measure.

"One does not simply use the bathroom after Hikaru!" he grinned before walking back to the bathroom and sticking it on the door.

I stifled another giggle before going back to my game, grateful he didn't use the ensuite bathroom.

"What are you playing?" he asked when he came back into the room.

"Im playing 'How-long-can-Kaoru-play-Xbox-before-he-realizes-he-still-hasn't-finished-his-homework'. Otherwise know as Call of Duty: Black Ops."

"Black Ops? We still have that one?"

I paused again "Surprisingly yes! Co-op on Zombies?" I offered, holding up second controller.

He glanced at his bookbag before sitting down on the floor next to me.

"Alright, I can spare five minutes."

"Isnt that just code for: 'I was going to do this anyway but since you were the first one to offer I now have someone to blame for not finishing my homework'?

He playfully pushed me, "You know me so well!" he smirked

I treasured moments like these.

_It's too bad this never happened..._

Wait. Of course it happened. Its happening right now isn't it?

_He'll probably throw this game out when I'm gone; too many memories..._

"Kaoru there's one behind you."

I turn my attention back to the game. We were in the Situation Room of the United States Pentagon. I turned my character around and aimed an M-16 at the Zombie and fistpumped when I got a headshot, than lobbed a grenade at the door when I notice a horde gathering.

It was fun, but_ why do something you'll never remember?_

This time it was Hikaru's turn to pause the game "What's wrong Kaoru?"

I just starred at my controller. Trying to memorize the look and feel of it and how fun it was to do something you really weren't suppose to be doing with someone you truly cared about.

"I'm just tired that's all..." I put down the controller and jumped on the bed snuggling rather childishly into the Duvet.

"Kaoru, you do realize your still in your school clothes."

"Don't care. Must sleep!" I whined rather cutely, idly wondering if I really was happy with my life or if I was merely keeping up appearances.

"Your so adorable." Hikaru cooed as he ruffled my hair a little with one hand. I watched him walk back over to the Xbox to turn it off before grabbing some clothes from the dresser and going into the ensuite bathroom most likely changing out of his school clothes.

My mind started to wander again as I stared at the bathroom door, slowly drifting in and out of sleep.

_Please don't forget me Hikaru._

I knew I didn't want to be forgotten. But...was I more scared of becoming a distant memory to him...or to myself?


	3. Chapter 3

*******Chapter 3*******

*******Dreams and Nightmares - Wake up and smell the...charcoal****?!***

**-Kaoru's POV-**

It was morning when I woke up. I rolled my head over on my pillow and glanced at the clock:

7:00am...

I slowly sat up held my hand over my forehead, my mind still a little foggy from waking up. I'd slept for 12 hours straight. That can't be healthy...

As the fogginess wore off I realized from where I'd been laying I shouldn't have been able to see the clock. Hikaru and I sleep in the same bed and the clock is on his side.

"...Hikaru?" I call rubbing the grogginess from my eyes. Why was I still tired? Maybe too much sleep had the same effect as not enough sleep.

"So you ARE alive!" I looked over and saw him stroll out of the ensuite bathroom, a wide grin on his face.

"You actually let me sleep for 12 hours?"

"You looked so peaceful, how could I NOT let you sleep?"

I smiled as he walked over to the dresser, fixing his hair and adjusting the tie of his school uniform.

...school Uniform...school?...Oh CRAP!

I practically lept out of bed and made a mad dive for my bookbag. I pulled out three half finished papers and stared in utter disbelief at Hikaru who simply lifted an eyebrow, hands still adjusting the knot on his tie.

"I didn't finish my homework!"

"13."

"...what?"

"How long can Kaoru play Xbox before realizing he still hasn't finished his homework: about 13 and a half hours!"

I couldn't help but smile and shake my head as I started reading some of English sentences on the paper I knew I wasn't going to finish. I stopped at one that really seemed to catch my interest:

'Please help your brother take out the trash.'

I don't know why but it reminded me of _something_...but what was it?

I laid the papers on the floor and walked into the ensuite bathroom to take a shower, still trying to remember what that retarded sounding sentence reminded me of.

I was shampooing my hair, stupidly imagining Hikaru taking out the trash when it hit me. It was my dream from last night!

* * *

**-Dream Sequence-**

_"Hikaru take out the garbage. It smells...really bad."_

_Are you sure it's not Ageha? She might need changing...again."_

_I looked lovingly down at the little baby girl in my arms. She had dark ash colored hair and big, golden eyes. Her face was so round and happy I couldn't help but giggle a little. I looked back up at Hikaru, feeling same love towards him "If you noticed she needs changing than why didn't you do it?"_

_"Your her mother, isn't that your job?"_

_"Your her father, shouldn't you show some initiative?"_

_"Hm...rock, paper, scissors?"_

_I sighed and looked back down at baby Ageha "Your fathers lazy. Oh and he sucks at rock, paper, scissors."_

_"I do not! Ready? Once...twice...shoot! Damn!"_

_"I win. Like always!"_

_Hikaru sighed, grabbing the garbage bag and taking a few steps towards me "Your so cute when your gloating!" He was just about to kiss me when I woke up._

**-End Dream Sequence-**

* * *

I could feel my face heat up as I blushed at having such a stupid dream. But than something occurred to me and I tensed, a cold sweat building on my forehead despite the hot water cascading down my body. Something so horrible that it turned my stupid little dream into a living nightmare! It wasn't the dream itself that horrified me. It was he fact that I had forgotten it! I had felt so much joy when looking down at baby Ageha, knowing that Hikaru and I were her ever loving parents. Even though baby Ageha wasnt real and I don't feel any romantic interest towards Hikaru what so ever in real life that wasn't the point! The point was, at that moment I felt such intense emotion for Hikaru and our daughter and I had just forgotten them! I just carried on like it never even happened! It just proved to me that no matter what happens in my life, no matter how intense the emotion, no matter how wonderful the people, no matter how memorable the experience; it will just be forgotten in the end.

_And when I end, my life will be forgotten just like that dream..._

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I looked up from the pan of eggs I was cooking and started staring at the kitchen doorway. What was taking Kaoru so long to get dressed? I looked at the clock again, letting my mind wander. Maybe I should go up there and see if he's ok. Maybe he fell in...again. Seriously since mom is always away it was practically a house full of boys, or course the toilet seat is ALWAYS going to be up!

I held back a laugh and looked back up at the door again, questions swarming my mind. Maybe I SHOULD see if he's ok. Why has he been so pensive lately? Why is he always so sleepy? He'll sleep for hours and still wake up tired. Was he sick? and what the Hell was that burning smell?!

I looked down and gasped at the smoking pan of darkened, extra crispy eggs. I ran across the Kitchen and threw the pan, eggs and all, into the sink turning on the faucet and hoping to high heaven the smoke detector wouldn't go off.

I turned off the stove and started opening windows when Kaoru finally walked in.

"What is that smell?!" he asked, walking over to the sink to turn off the still running faucet. "How did you burn eggs?"

"Very easily. Why aren't the servants doing this?"

"You know its time we started to learn how to cook for ourselves."

"Yeah well, whatever. You wants some bac- FUCK I left the bacon in the oven!" I grabbed a towel and ran over to the oven as Kaoru said something along the lines of 'who puts bacon in the oven' but I wasn't listening. I turned off the oven and practically threw open the door, furiously fanning the smoke that erupted forth, making our oven look like the gaping maw of some odd, square shaped dragon.

I could hear Kaoru banging a fist on the Kitchen table in laughter while all I could do was think to myself that breakfast was pretty much ruined. The blaring screech of the fire detector only seem to make Kaoru laugh harder.

After rescuing the um, 'Louisiana Blackened' bacon strips from the oven and the soggy eggs from the sink I piled everything onto a plate and set it in front of Kaoru. I WAS going to make coffee as well but I think I overheated the water because when I went back to the stove it had completely evaporated...that or ran for its life, it was really hard to tell at this point...

Kaoru took one look at my creation, "Buttered toast it is than!" he chuckled before walking over to the breadbox and putting 3 pieces of bread into the toaster.

I looked back at the plate of "breakfast" I had worked really hard on before picking up and scrutinizing one of the strips of charcoal. SOMEONE was going to eat this food!

I heard the toaster pop up as I took a bite, immedeatly spitting it back out onto the floor. Ok so that someone was most definitely not me...

"Oh Kaoru~!" I singsong. When he didn't answer I looked up at him. He was standing next to the toaster, staring rather intently at something on the other side of the Kitchen. I followed his gaze to a set of Knives on one of the Kitchen counters and then looked back at Kaoru. He looked as if he was thinking about something rather important. That or he was too lazy to walk the ten feet to get a knife to butter his toast...

I shook my head and smiled. It was just one of those mornings. I walked to the knife set, grabbed one and flipped it into the air before handing it to Kaoru "Need some help?"

I watched him slowly blink, eyes never leaving the blade before asking very slowly and carefully "You actually...want me to?"

I just barely heard him he was talking so low "Want you to what? Are you even awake?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, guess I'm still a little tired..."

I glanced back at the clock and put the knife back on the counter "Sorry Kaoru, no butter for you, we're gonna be late for school."

I watch Kaoru reluctantly pull his gaze from the knife before grabbing his toast and following me out to the Limo. Guess he really wanted that butter...

* * *

**(A/N In later chapters Im going to switch the point of view from character to character so you can get a full idea of what Kaoru is going through right now. I will also include lots of humor to balance out the angst and also to show there truly isnt anything wrong with Kaoru's life. Than why is he so sad you ask? **

**You'll find out soon enough...**

**Also a special thanks goes out to bleachfangirl7 for being my first follower and for favoriting! Im so touched right now! T_T)**


	4. Chapter 4

***Chapter 4***

***Even when you think no one notices...***

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I've never felt so bored in my life...

I was sitting in Music Room 3 about 20 minutes before Host Club started, watching the other Hosts who were setting out teacups and sweets amongst the tables. I just sat on the couch at me and Hikaru's table, legs crossed. Which wasn't really unusual, since Hikaru and I usually never help out unless "King" Tamaki asks us. But it looked like Milord was just going to leave me here, alone with my thoughts once again.

I wanted to get up and help everyone set the tables but I also really, really didn't feel like it today. I haven't felt very motivated lately. I mean I'm still happy and energetic but I just haven't felt like using that energy. How do I discribe this feeling? My life feels...faded around the edges. The things that give me joy and happiness are still there, but they feel...less solid; less there. Like they'll be gone soon.

Maybe this isn't boredom...

I thought back to this morning and absentmindedly started rubbing my wrist. I couldn't stop staring at that knife. God...what was I about to do? Why do I keep thinking about this? About killing myself? My life was great! Wasn't it?

I looked up when Tono (Milord) passed by our couch. He just waved a me and kept going. He was carrying at least 20 teacups, how the Hell did he wave? I shook my head and chortled to myself before looking around the room, finally noticing Haruhi wasn't here yet. Now that I think about it, she wasn't even in class today. I looked at everyone else. They were all smiling as if they never knew her to begin with; like she never existed.

_Is this what they will look like when they move on?_

"What's wrong Kao-chan? Do you want some cake?"

I looked over at the only person in the room who calls me 'Kao-chan' "I was just wondering why you never call Mori Taka-chan."

I watched Hunny cock his head to the side and look up at Mori, who shook his head disapprovingly at the tiny blond. Maybe he was just to Proud to be address with '-chan'.

* * *

**-Hunny's POV (Same scene)-**

"Do you need any help Tama-chan?"

"Hm? No thank you Senpai. But I do have something for you!"

I was going to ask what what it was when Takashi covered my eyes. When he finally dropped his hands I saw the greatest thing in the world! A three layed strawberry cake! I was so happy I could practically see tiny little flowers dancing around my head! Next to the cake was a tiny card:

'Congratulations On Winning Yet Another Tournament!'  
At the bottom of the card was a drawing of a flying Teddy Bear. It even had a cute little cape!

Tamaki beamed at my excitement "I made it with those instant cake mix boxes commonors use, and I'll even let you in on a little secret. Usa-chan helped me bake it!"

I hugged usa-chan even tighter. I could just barely see Kyoya shaking his head out of the corner of my eye "Thank you guys! Hey Hika-chan do you want some cake?" I don't bother asking Kyo-chan because he doesn't like sweets.

"No thanks Senpai. One of those Strawberries is actually a pepper and I'm not telling you which one."

That's when Takashi tapped my shoulder and nodded towards Kao-chan. I looked over towards his couch and saw him rubbing his wrist with an indescribable look on his face. As Tama-chan and Hika-chan argued over which Strawberry was that infamous pepper I looked back at Takashi and whispered "He's been like that for days now. Should I go talk to him?"

Takashi and I watched the way Kao-chan reacted when Tama-chan walked passed him and waved at him _somehow_ even though he was carrying at least 15 or 20 teacups. The way Kaoru laughed looked more like he was using Tama-chan as an excuse to get his mind off of whatever he was thinking about. What could have possibly that bad? When Takashi finally nodded I called out "What's wrong Kao-chan? Do you want some cake?"

He snapped away from whatever was holding his mind hostage and look in my direction "I was just wondering why you never call Mori Taka-chan."

I cocked my head. Why would Kao-chan lie to me like that? I looked up at Takashi who was shaking his head at me, silently telling me not to press any further.

* * *

**-Tamaki's POV (right after Hunny and Kaoru talk)-**

When I had finally finished setting the tables I glanced at the clock. Host Club would officially starting in 12 minutes and my daughter was still missing! I mean she was always late but that doesn't mean I can't still worry about her. Her or Kaoru for that matter. Lately he's been what can only be described as a very saddened actor being paid to playing a happy role. He may have been doing a very good job staying in character, but you could still see the sorrow in his eyes if you looked hard enough. Even his laughter had changed. Almost like he's trying to cheer himself up by laughing more.

I was thinking of ways to cheer him up when the Club's doors opened. I turned around and put on my best and brightest smile "Hello Princesses and welcome to th- WHAT IS THAT THING?!"

I dove behind the couch as everyones eyes shot forward.

"What the fuck is that?!

"Language Kaoru!"

"Haru-chan...Is that you?"

Haruhi was out there with that thing?! I peeked. Oh! That thing WAS Haruhi.

Her hair was a mess and she was wearing her grandfather's thick, square glasses again. She was still wearing her school uniform but her blazer was opened, revealing a white untucked dress shirt with mis-aligned buttons. Her tie wasn't even on, it was just drapped across her shoulders. She was also visibly irritated.

"I thought I told you to go home!" yelled Hikaru who was hiding behind the couch next to me. Next to him was a very confused Kaoru, clinging on to his brother's arm. Next to him were Hunny and Mori. Never knew this couch was so big...

She gritted her teeth "I would have but SOMEONE would have taken it upon themselves to add more to my debt!"

Kyoya looked up from his laptop and smirked "Now why would I do that? Go home, your excused for the day."

She groaned, grasping at her stomach before nodding and practically limped away.

When she was gone I looked at Kyoya, the only one who wasn't hiding "Mommy what was that thing!?"

He simply smiled "Well Haruhi IS a girl after all."

I don't get it...

Hikaru face-palms, grabs a marker and walks over to the white board in the corner of the room as everyone else went back to there seats. He wrote the sentence "Haruhi is a girl.' and then circled the punctuation mark which an arrow pointing to it.

I cocked my head "I don't get it, all you did was write Haruhi is a girl and then circled the...Oh...OH! Wait...she gets those?"

Hikaru through his hands into the air in disbelief before erasing the board and storming to his station, sitting next to his twin who did nothing more than shake his head and laugh... Was it something I said?

* * *

**(A/N I realize the period joke wouldn't have actually worked since they are Japanese but just ignore that for now, I just had to put it in there! Oh and don't forget to leave a review guys! Reviews give Kaoru hope.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N Wow! 5 chapters already! Im so proud of myself :3 When I started this story I really didnt think I would get any readers, but now I have at least 4 or 5! When I got my first review yesterday I was so ecstatic I just HAD to post another chapter right away! I would put your name up here but all it said was 'Guest'...Thanks so much Guest! Oh! and I also realized I havent been posting a disclaimer...not that I would be here if i really DID own OHSHC:**

**Disclaimer: I dont own OHSHC. This applies to all previous and future chapters in this series.**

**There, that should do it! Well anyways back to the story...)**

* * *

***Chapter 5***

***Even the Happiest of Memories Can Bring Pain...***

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I was wandering aimlessly through the mansion...again.

I looked up at the ceiling somewhere around where our room should be. Kaoru and I had only just got back from school and he was already asleep. It was so boring without Kaoru around. I wasn't going to bother him if he needed rest but it's been like this all week and it was starting to get irritating...

Still, Kaoru hasn't been himself lately. To put it in words, it's like he's...'muffled'. Such a weird word to describe someone, but it's true! He's the same old Kaoru, apart from the constant sleeping, but I don't know it's like there IS a problem but there also ISN'T a problem. I don't see anything wrong with him but there this nagging feeling in my mind that there IS something wrong; something seriously wrong.

Than again it's probably just the loneliness talking. Like I said before, with all the constant sleeping Kaoru's been doing I'm constantly left alone. I'm so use to being with him that when he's gone I don't even know what to do with myself. The only time I really get to talk to him is when Host Club is ending. While everyone else cleans up I make sure Kaoru stays on top of his homework, since by the time he gets home he only ever feels like changing his clothes and going to bed. Seriously, were dreams better company than me?!

I looked up from my thoughts, convinced I was going to go upstairs and wake Kaoru up when I realized I had absentmindedly walked into a storage room. I looked around noticing the various trinkets and boxes that cluttered the relatively small room. They looked like they hadn't been moved in years, yet it also looked like the Servants were doing a pretty good job keeping the cobwebs and dust at bay. Maybe I should stop putting salt in their toothbrushes...

Naah!

How else am I going to entertain myself? Especially since KAORU doesnt wanna hang out with me anymore!

I turned angrily towards the door "THATS IT! IM WAKING HIM UP - hey what's this?"

I picked up a small tray of DVDs that was laying on top of one of the boxes next to the door. The very first one was labeled 'Family Videos: Hikaru and Kaoru'.

Family videos...about us?

I took the DVD back up to our room. I slowly opened the door and saw Kaoru adorably curled up in the center of our King sized bed. I tip toed softly into the room and quietly closed the door, I didn't want to wake him...

"KAORU WAKE UP!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" he screamed, eyes wide, hand clenching his chest.

"I thought you were having a nightmare. Well since your up, look what I found!" I beamed, waving it in his clearly frightened face.

He snatched it and read the title out loud before cocking his head.

"I don't remember this..."

"Me neither. Come on, let's go watch it!" I started pulling his arm when his head fell back onto the pillow, yawning.

"...fine."

"Yes!" I pulled a little harder and watched in amusement as he slid of the bed, covers and all. He just laid there on the floor smiling at me as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"You are too cute sometimes, you know that?" I bounced a little in place watching Kaoru pick himself up, idly wondering what sort of charisma this bed had that I didn't, when my hand touched something cold and hard. I looked over and saw my hand had touched a pocket knife sitting where Kaoru's pillow was.

I picked it up and opened it "Why is there a switchblade under you pillow?"

Kaoru pulled the quilt up of the floor and wrapped it around himself before sitting on the carpet "Grandma gave those to us remember?"

"She did?...oh yeah, wasn't that like a week after we joined the Host Club, after she had read all those horror stories about psychotic obsessed fangirls?"

"Yeah. It was so stupid, but I kept it anyway. Where's yours?"

"...I think i lost it somewhere...in a drawer? No...school? OH I REMEMBER! Remember when Milord fell asleep in the limo on the way to that commoner coffee shop? I think Haruhi called it a 'Starbucks' or something? Anyway I had I used it to cut holes in his shirt-"

"-and his nipples were showing the entire rest of the day!" Kaoru finished, " that was hilarious!"

"Yeah well when he finally found out he dropped it down a sewer hole screaming-"

"-'I will not allow my sons to play with such a dangerous weapon!'" We did our best Tamaki impersonation in unison. I laughed so hard I felt tear in my eyes.

It's moments like these that I treasure the most. I missed Kaoru so much this week. He was my other half; my better half. He was the most important thing in my life. I needed him. Some would say we were a little TOO dependent on each other, but that's not true. We arn't codependent on each other, we _influence_ each other; we make each other better people, despite the pranks we always pull. It was because of him that I was able to reach out and make friends; to expand my world just a little. Not a lot, but just enough... so I've taken it upon myself to protect my most precious treasure, and if all this sleeping is because he's sick than its my job to make him feel better.

"Ne Kaoru, are you sick?"

"Huh? Well my stomach has been hurting a little lately, and I also have a back ache because SOMEONE pushed me out of bed last night!"

I smiled sheepishly, trying to change the subject "ANYWAY! To the Kitchen!"

"Why?"

"So I can make some soup to soothe your stomach!

"Aw that's so sweet, Hikaru! But I don't think a bowl of hot water and charcoal will help me much."

I reach over to the other side of the bed and threw my pillow at him.

He dodged laughing "Right then, let's go watch these supposed 'Home Videos'!"

As we walked downstairs I held back a laugh, wondering if the videos would be like those embarrassing home movies you see on TV. Maybe even something about Kaoru that I could share with the Princesses at the Host Club tomorrow...

* * *

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I was still wrapped snugly in the giant Duvet from our bed as we walked down the stairs towards the "TV and Family Room" as our Dad calls it. Staring down at the floor in front of me as I walked I began to space out into the void of my inner thoughts again. I really DID get the knife from Grandma but I was still glad Hikaru didn't ask me why it was under my _pillow_ of all places.I didnt even know why even know why I had put it there. It just felt like instinct to do so; like it would be needed later. Needed for what though, I still wasn't sure.

I glanced back up at Hikaru who was grinning stupidly about who-knows-what. Maybe he was excited about family bonding? As we reached the TV room I plopped onto the couch, thoroughly enjoying the soft, down filled quilt I was now swimming in. I watched with limited interest as Hikaru inserted the disk into the DVD player, upside down I might add, before looking at the clock and trying to gauge how long it would take him to realize he needs to flip it over.

8:54pm...

As Hikaru proceeded to cuss out the DVD player I began to wonder what Hikaru would have been doing at this exact moment if I wasn't here. Maybe he would be over Haruhi's house? Than again it was our symmetry that got us into the host club so maybe he wouldn't have even known Haruhi. Nah, that can't be true, Hikaru is perfectly capable of making friends on his own. He IS the Seme in our brotherly love acts so one would assume he has more confidence than me. He probably thinks he doesn't need anyone else; that he's fine with it just being us to. He needs to see that I'm just holding him back.

_Just more proof that we need to be apart..._

"Oh, I see...it was upside down!"

9:06pm...

"Whatcha Guys Doing?"

AAAHH!

I jumped to my feet, Hikaru grabbing onto me with a furious expression, intent on protecting me from the intruder.

"Holy Fuck! Dad?! When did you get here?!" We yelled simultaneously.

"I've been here the whole time... all week in fact. The company is working on a new merger so I'm not exactly needed right now since I've already finished my part. I could have sealed the entire deal on my own but the company is into this "let-everyone-do-their-fair-share" kaizen bull crap." he air quoted, "Morons."

Our Dad is often referred to as the 'ghost' of the family. He always seems to just blend into the background unseen. Our mom said it was do to a lack of confidence or something like that.

"I see you guys found that DVD your mother made."

Hikaru and I sat down on the couch next to Dad "She made this?"

"Yep. But I wouldn't exactly call them 'Home Videos'. See whenever you guys harassed someone and they caught it on video they sent it to your mother hoping to get you in trouble. What they never knew was your mother thinks your pranks are hilarious so she put them all on a single DVD with your names on it."

Hikaru perks up "Really?"

"-she likes our pranks?" I finished.

"As long as they happen to someone else and not her. OR ME FOR THAT MATTER!"

We couldn't help but laugh. While Dad went to go grab the remote to press play, I let Hikaru into my gigantic quilt burrito.

"Its warm in here." He said, giving me a hug.

If I wasn't holding him back, maybe he would finally be able to share this affection with someone else. Like a Girlfriend maybe...or a boyfriend...I don't judge!

Maybe I should ask him about that...

"Hey Hikaru-"

"Shhh, it's starting!"

Ah well, maybe next time...

* * *

**-Video Playback-**

The camera zooms in and out on a pair of twin girls no older than 5 or 6, trying to find the right angle. One was wearing a pink dress with long pink hair, the other a blue dress with long blue hair. Weird. They have our same eye color but I don't remember another set of twins in the family...

"Aw you two look so cute! Your mother really outdid herself this time!"

"Why do we have to model for girls?" the blue one said rather dryly, "Hikaru and I are boys remember?"

"But Kaoru, your face is so cute! You look just like mommy's little girls!"

Hikaru smiles at the lady holding the camera "Yes, but you look like a Toad...see!" He pulled a frog from behind his back and held it to her face. She screamed when it jumped onto the camera.

**-End Playback-**

* * *

Me and Hikaru couldn't stop laughing "Was that really us?!"

Dad laughed and simply shook his head "I swear, your mother sometimes..."

"Oh, wait! Another ones starting!"

* * *

**-Video Playback-**

This one was from Middle School and a Teacher was yelling at us. It was a little shaky and looked like it was being recorded from another student's camera phone.

"Hitachiins! I'm very disappointed in you!" he chided.

"We didn't do anything, Sensei!"

"Don't play dumb with me! I know it was you two who replaced all the toilet paper in the girls bathrooms with duct tape!"

"Serves them right! They keep writing us love letters but they can't even tell us apart..." Hikaru furiously spat.

"I don't care! You have a weeks detention, both of you!

"Yes, Sensei..."

**-End Playback-**

* * *

Hikaru was gripping his sides in laughter "I remember that!"

Dad fell out of the chair "Seriously! Duct tape?! How did you guys even get in there?"

"Funny story about that, you see..."

Hikaru told him the story, leaving me to think again. I wish they would stop leaving me alone with my thoughts like this. My mind was slowly becoming a scary place.

_This is my fault..._

It's always been my fault. Hikaru hasn't been able to find anyone else because of me. Because everyone always mistakes me for him. If I hadn't been born, he wouldn't have dismissed so many girls back then. I was the youngest twin. My existance was a mere fluke! It was only suppose to be him in the world. He was the first one conceived and I just became a copy of him, holding him hostage from the rest of the world. I'm just an accident. If I wasn't here, Hikaru would have probably found someone back in middle school who could have filled his life with a happiness that I never could...

"Hey, Kaoru are you ok?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm still a little tired..."

"Wanna go back to bed?"

"No let's keep watching."

Just then Dads cell phone rings "Hold on boys I gotta take this...Hello? Yes. Huh? What the Hell do you mean you don't know what a merger is?!" he storms out of the room.

Hikaru looks at me "What the Hell IS a merger?"

I shrug "No clue..."

We keep watching but the more I see, the more I realized me and my brother are always together. Even now, wrapped in the same quilt, which only seemed to personify our way of keeping out the rest of the world; my way of keeping the rest of the world away from Hikaru...

"Y'know what? I think I will go back to sleep."

Hikaru unwraps himself from the Duvet and lets me go back upstairs. I glance at his solemn face before turning to leave, seeing the sadness in his eyes at being left alone again.

_He'll be okay. After all it would be for the best in the end._

Oh how I wish I could stop these thoughts from flowing...

* * *

**(A/N I think this was my longest chapter yet! Don't forget to review! I really need feedback on my story pacing, if my jokes are funny, if Im keeping everyone in character, and if my plot is believable. **

**Reviews inspire me to write faster! :D **

**See you all next time!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**(A/N) Hello and welcome back! Im in SUCH a good mood! I've got new followers and another favorite :3**

**K, I think I might start answering back reviews:**

_LS (Guest) **Kaoru's POV is suppose to be a little confusing. Its more of a swirl of ideas than a coherent thought process, if that makes sense? I think I might have confused you more...**_

_BleedingOpal **Yes something tragic is going to happen... Also Im so glad Im keeping Kaoru in character, and you're right Kaoru IS usually a mess in stories like this! Im not saying I hate it, its very entertaining to ****read, but I wanted to make it as close to Kaoru as possible!**_

_Misato92 **Im so glad you like it :3 I'll try to post more updates as soon as possible :)**_

_Death-Note-Fan01 **...Yes. The dark writing is very entertaining to write as well! LoL (PS. I'm a fan of Death Note as well :3 )**_

**Alright then! On with the story!**

* * *

***Chapter 6***  
***Operation: What's Wrong, Kaoru?***

**-Tamaki's POV-**

"Hello Princesses and welcome to the Host Club!"

Host Club was proceeding as usual, Hunny stuffing his face with cake, Mori watching Hunny, Kyoya directing our guests to their tables, Kaoru and Hikaru pretending to be in love, and Hikaru begging Haruhi to stay home. Haruhi was still in pain but she refused to miss anymore school, telling her customers it was just a really bad stomach ache. It's been four days now, I wish there was something I could do for her. When I tried to give her a hug she sent me this 'death glare' that made even Kyoya flinch!

And then there's Kaoru...

It was such a horrible feeling to be a father who could do nothing to help his kids in their time of need...

"Hey Tono you have got to come see this!"

I looked up and saw a smirking Hikaru sitting with his customers, holding a disk in his hand and waving me over.

His twin cocked his head "Isn't that the DVD from yesterday?"

"Yes, but you never got to finish it and there's a part I think EVERYONE needs to see!"

"Excuse me Princesses." I say before getting up and walking over to Hikaru.

He pulled his laptop out of his bag and inserted the disk. It was some sort of video. He fast forwarded for a few seconds before stopping. I sat down with the girls and watched, none of us knowing what to expect.

* * *

**-Video Playback-**

_The camera zoomed in on two little boys with red hair and golden eyes who couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 years old. They were on the floor playing with little toy cars. There was a woman who also had red hair and golden eyes, probably their mom, sitting on a couch next to them and Christmas wrapping paper strewn across the floor. 'Jingle Bell's Rock' played softly in the background._

_"Merry Christmas boys!" said a man who was apparently holding the camera, "I see you like the toy cars we, er I mean "Santa" brought you!"_

_The woman frowned at the camera, then smiled back at the boys. After a few seconds a rather devilish smile spread across her lips "Where's my present?"_

_"Come here and I'll give it to you."_

_The woman stepped over the boys and walked over to the camera. The camera then turned around to show the man who was holding it. He was sitting in a chair smiling as the woman walked into view and bent down to give him a kiss._

_"Ew! Why did you do that!"_

_The camera turned back to the boys. They had stopped playing with the cars and were frowning into the camera._

_Off screen you could hear the woman laughing "When you love someone very much, Kaoru, you give them a kiss on the lips! Like this!"_

_"Ew! Stop doing that!" one cried out, most likely Hikaru._

_The boy next to him cocked his head "Really? Hey Hikaru..."_

_Hikaru looked at him and smiled "Yes?"_

_Smooch!_

_Hikaru clapped his tiny hands over his mouthed and starred at the boy with wide eyes, who did nothing more than smile._

_"KAORU NO! YOU DON'T KISS FAMILY!" they yelled from off screen._

_"Sorry..."_

**-End Playback-**

* * *

"KAWAII!" The princesses screamed, me along with them.

Kaoru was turning redder by the second "Hikaru! WHAT IS THIS?! I thought Dad said that disk was just full of our pranks!"

"Aw! That's so cute Kao-chan!"

I looked up to see the entire rest of the music room crowded around our couch.

Haruhi shook her head "So this is how it started..."

Kaoru jumped out of his seat in pure chagrin, frantically trying to defend himself "I don't remember any of this!"

Hikaru stood up and wrapped one arm around his brothers waist pulling him closer and using the other he tilted Kaoru chin upwards, their lips only centimeters apart "Deny it all you want dear brother," he got even closer, every princess in the room crowding around them, "But the proof is right on that disk!"

Kaoru melted into the embrace, holding onto the front of Hikaru's blazer "But Hikaru," he blushed and laid his head on Hikaru's chest, tiny little tears in the corners of his eyes "Its just too embarrassing. No one else should see what we do together..."

We lost about 10 fangirls to the floor. Maybe I should start laying pillows down there from now on...

Hikaru held him tighter "We can't hide our love forever, dear brother!"

Haruhi groaned "Oh brother..."

Kaoru ignored her and looked up into his brother's eyes "Promise me you'll get rid of it...please?"

"I can't do that, my sweet Kaoru."

"Then I'll destroy it myself!"

Kaoru made a mad dash for the laptop but Kyoya beat him to it "Ah Ah Ah! The contents of this disk will be viewed and made available for download on the club's website. For a small charge of course."

I jumped to my feet, tears in my eyes "That scene from your childhood was such a wonderful display of brotherly love and affection! A true testament to the beauty of a child's innocence! This is what is so wonderful about being a child! It brings a smile to every parent's face as we reflect on that very special time when we too were children! Isn't that right mommy?"

Kyoya looks up from his calculator and pushes up his glasses "I have no idea what your babbling on about."

"Mommy your so cruel..."

Haruhi chuckles then winces a little, grabbing her stomach "Innocence? Nothing about those two is innocent!"

The twins started to glare at her just as the school bell rang, signifying the end of the day.

I clear my throat "Sorry Princesses but all good things must come to an end. We'll see you all tomorrow!"

They sighed and shuffled out of the room. When they were gone I looked around the room.

Haruhi had sat back down, and Hikaru and Kaoru were arguing with Kyoya about selling personal property...again, leaving Hunny, Mori, and myself to clear the tables and put away the teacups.

I had started cleaning my 3rd table when Hunny and Mori call me over "Yes Hunny senpai, Mori Senpai?"

Hunny takes a quick look at the twins who were still having their heated discussion with Kyoya "Have you noticed anything...off about Kao-chan?"

I set the cups back on the table "You see it too, huh?" They both nod.

"We tried asking the others as well but Haru-chan doesn't feel like talking too much, Kyo-chan's been too busy trying to earn money for the club, and Hika-chan is always with Kao-chan. Hika-chan has spent the most time with him, if we could figure out how to seperate them maybe we can ask him."

My beautiful mind hatches an idea "Seperate them? Just leave that to me!"

They stared in confusion as I snapped my fingers "Hitachiin Twins!"

They stop arguing and Salute "Yes Sir!"

"Two new transfer students arrived today. Their names are Akihiko Satou and Junpei Nakamura. I had the pleasure of talking to them today about things related to our school and they each would like to try out for the Host Club. I told them to meet us in Music Room 3 after school today and they're not here yet. Kaoru, I want you to find Satou-san. Hikaru, you find Nakamura-san."

"Aye Aye Sir!" They chime in unison before running to the double doors. When they hit the hallway I saw them shake hands before darting down the hallway in opposite directions.

Hunny and Mori gawked at me "Is this true?"

"Not at all. But it did separate them!" I beamed, "Now we just wait a few seconds, and then..." I counted to 10 in my head before pulling my cell phone out of my pocket and dialing Hikaru "Their here, Kaoru too, you can come back now. Great work by the way!"

5 seconds later Hikaru comes bolting into the room "Wha? Are you serious? I just left out! Hey...where are they? Where's Kaoru, what's going on?"

Hunny hugged usa-chan tighter, his face somber "We had to separate you two so we could ask you something..."

Kyoya and Haruhi looked up, they didn't know what was going on.

Hikaru looked ticked "Separate us? Whats so important you can't say it to my brothers face?"

"It about Kaoru." Mori said, his face solemn like his cousin's.

Hunny continued "We're all worried about him. Did you notice anything strange about him?"

Haruhi looked from face to face, trying to figure about what was happening "Strange? Did something happen? Is there something wrong with him?"

Hikaru had an indescribable look on his face, like he was trying to convince himself of something "He's just sick that's all..."

Haruhi looked confused "Sick? He seemed like normal ol' Kaoru to me..."

Hunny shook his head "No I don't think that's it. It's like...he's slowed down, right Takashi?"

Mori nods "Yeah."

Kyoya and I looked at them both "Slowed down?" We asked.

Hunny nods "Uh huh. Me and Takashi are expert Martial Artists. We are trained to notice even the most subtle of movements and counter accordingly. When Kao-chan and Hika-chan move in unison they are usually in perfect sync, but now it looks more like Kao-chan is kinda "echoing" Hika-chan."

"He's just been really tired lately that's all." Hikaru defends.

Hunny shook his head again "No, it doesn't look like a tired movement, he wouldn't move like that if he was in any sort of pain either...Its like he's fine but it's more like..."

"Psychomotor retardation?" Kyoya offers, "Yes I've noticed that as well."

Hunny beams "Yes! That's it!"

I look at Kyoya, positively bewildered "Kaoru's...retarded?"

The room face-palms. What did I do this time?

"No, you Baka!" My daughter chides, "Psychomotor retardation means his reaction times are slowing down. It has nothing to do with being tired, just his reflexes aren't as fast as they use to be."

"Hm..." I quickly look around the room for a sheet of paper and a pencil, than realizing my bag was laying right by the couch I pull out a notebook and a pen, turning to a fresh page and writing 'psychomotor retardation'. "Has anyone noticed anything else?"

Hikaru sat down "He's complained about a stomach ache for about four days now." and almost as an afterthought he adds "and he's been sleeping a lot. He'll sleep for hours and still wake up tired."

"Sleeps...a...lot." I write, "anything else?"

He continues "He's having difficulty concentrating. Lately he's been losing interest in things faster than me and that's saying something! I practically have to chastise him to finish his homework everyday."

"Difficulty...concen...trating. Anything else?"

Hikaru sat back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling "Nothing I can think of now, but he does seem i dunno...sad I guess. Does that count?"

I continue writing "Any little bit helps. Thank you, Hikaru." I close the notebook and put it and the pen back into my bag.

Kyoya looks up at each of us "We should probably take turns keeping an eye on Kaoru, just to be sure."

I nod in agreement "Today is Tuesday right? I'll watch him tomorrow. Who has Thursday?"

Haruhi raises her hand.

"Who has Friday?"

Hunny raises and Usa-chan raise their hands.

"Hikaru will have the weekend and at home."

Hikaru nods.

"Who wants Monday?"

Mori hold up his hand.

"Guess that just leaves Kyoya with Tuesday than..."

Kyoya pushes up his glasses. They seem to fall down a lot...

"Alright than, we'll all report back here with our findings next Wednesday. Kaoru is family and it's our duty to cheer him up and make sure he's ok! This concludes our meeting!" I say, adjusting my tie, "Now how do we get Kaoru back up here?"

Hikaru pulls out his phone and presses one of the speed dials "I got it...Hello? Yeah Tono's an idiot, those transfer students won't be officially enrolled until next semester...uh huh...oh yeah? Don't let "Daddy" hear you say that!...huh? Exactly! Ok get your butt back up here so we can go home." He hung up laughing.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"Let's just say you might want to leave now, BEFORE he gets here!"

* * *

**(A/N) And so ends chapter 6. I also apologize for the lack of angst in this chapter, this was more of a set up for the next chapter. But I promise the next one will be completely from Kaoru's POV and full of angst as the Host Club tries to find out whats wrong with him.**

**Can YOU guess whats wrong with Kaoru? Is there even a problem?**

**As always reviews inspire me to write faster! Goodbye for now^^**


	7. Chapter 7

**(A/N) Hi guys! Im back :3**

**Review Corner:**

_Darling Neko **Hmm... Interesting theory...**_

_As White As Snow **Thank you so much! (T^T) I actually want to become a psychologist when im older so to know i understand emotion this well is so encouraging! You stay awesome too^^**_

_Adorable Reader **When I first read your pen name I thought it said Adobe Reader XD That was a good laugh! Im so glad you like my story! I uploaded 2 chapters today since chapter 8 was so short.**_

**K, Just a couple things here: I'm doing one chapter to represent each day of the week the Host Club is monitoring Kaoru. Happy reading...**

* * *

***Chapter 7***

***Always Be Careful When Trying to Help Someone... ***

**-Kaoru POV-**

If there was a button that end all of existence, would you press it?

It was just a stupid thought that came into my head during the Limo ride back home. The thought of such a button even existing was stupid in itself. Yet...I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Would I press it?

With the single press of a button I could end everything; wars, hunger, sadness...happiness, ambition, everything! No more worry, no more angst, no more enjoyment or excitement because in the end it will all be forgotten anyway. No more having to think, no more having to make decisions, just everything _gone_! Not even _nothingness itself_ would exist anymore. It might actually be better that way. If we were all meant to die than what was the point in being born in the first place? If I was religious I probably would have said we were here to help and influence others; and have them do the same for us. If I were a scientist I probably would have said to continue on with evolution. If I were Hikaru I probably would have said it doesn't matter, its fun and since we're here we might as well enjoy it.

But I'm not any of those things.

So if by some random, twisted occurrence of fate, I was faced with that button and the choices of continuing to live or fading away...

Would I be able to do it?

My mind wants to die but my body wont let me. I wouldn't be able to press it even if I wanted to. My body would probably freeze up, memories of happiness and pleasure flooding my mind; desprately trying to stop me, but in all honesty I would probably force myself to trip and fall on it.

_Since memories never last..._

I wonder what it would be like if it was someone else's decision? I'd be sitting at home, probably eating breakfast with Hikaru and sudden what? Blackness? Or will it be that same feeling as waking up? Your dream slowly shifting into another life; your real life.

Only this time your life won't be there anymore...

...and you'll simply fade into nothingness.

* * *

"Kaoru wake up, we're here."

I felt someone shaking my shoulder and I opened my eyes. Was I really asleep? Am I still asleep? Lately its becoming difficult to tell dreams from reality...

I looked up and saw that Hikaru and I were still in the Limo. I unbuckled my seatbelt as the driver came around to let us out "Why did you wake me? I was having the greatest dream ever!"

Hikaru followed my out of the car "Really? What was it about?"

I yawned and walked through the front door of our mansion "You were a pretty pretty Princess, waiting on me hand and foot!"

He shoved me "Oh so I'm a servant in your dreams? No wonder your always sleeping!" he bowed and gestured towards the stairs "Right this way, Young Master Kaoru."

I smiled approvingly and started up the stairs "Thank you Sebastian, That will be all."

He followed after me "Sebastian?!"

"Yeah! Isn't that every Butler's name?"

"We don't have a Butler named Sebastian!"

"Ok, every Butler from The States, then."

"OUR Butler is from The States! His name is John!"

When we reached our bedroom we threw our bookbags in the usual spot to be forgotten. I took two steps toward the dresser and stopped...

I was just about to do something...wasn't I? What the hell was it...

"Kaoru, you ok?"

I looked up at Hikaru who had already grabbed a change of clothes and was peeking out of the ensuite bathroom. Was I really standing here that long? "Uh yeah...I forgot what I was suppose to be doing..."

"Uh, how about HOMEWORK, Kaoru?"

I sighed, picking my bag back up and tossed it and myself onto the bed "Yes, Sensei..."

* * *

**-Wednesday (20 minutes before Host Club)-**

"Oh Kaoru~"

Oh no...

I looked up. Straight into the Amethyst eyes of that blond idiot that sent me on a wild Goose chase yesterday.

"Hi Kaoru! I was...please, stop glaring at me...I was just thinking that you don't spend enough time with your father!"

Reluctantly, I stop glaring "What are you talking about Tono? Hikaru and I had Dinner with him just last night."

"No! I mean your Host Club Father!"

"Tono get away from me-"

"Don't be like that! Host Club is family!"

"Kyoya, get him away before I decide to shave his head in his sleep!"

Kyoya looked up from one of the tables he was setting and just stared at Tamaki who was now clutching the top of his head in fear "There's nothing I can do, he is the King after all." Maybe he WANTED him to loose all his hair.

Nah. That would be bad for business now wouldnt it?

Tamaki recovers at the word 'King' "Yes and the King bares gifts!"

Haruhi sweat-drops "Shouldn't that be the other way around?"

Ignoring her, Tamaki runs to the Baby Grand Piano in the corner of the room and pulls a gigantic canvas bag from underneath, placing it on a nearby table.

Haruhi cocked her head "How long has that Piano been there?"

"Haru-chan, this IS a music room after all"

"I realize that Hunny-senpai but I still don't..."

Haruhi is cut of as Tamaki stands on a chair "Gather 'round children, Christmas has come early this year!"

He then shined that stupid grin in Haruhi's direction "But first things first!" He reaches into the bag and pulls out a small bottle of something and tosses it to her.

Haruhi catches it and reads the side "Extra-Strength Aspirin...I don't know whether to be grateful or smack you, Senpai."

Hikaru perks up "You should be grateful AND smack him! Right Kaoru?"

"Yeah! I was just thinking the same thing!"

Hikaru suddenly stopped laughing "Then how come you didn't say it with me...y'know what nevermind."

The Host Club exchanges looks and Tamaki quickly gets down and pulls a notebook out of his bag, scribbling something and handing it to Kyoya saying something along the lines of 'if you see something write it down' before jumping back into the chair. What just happened?

"What is that?" I finally asked.

Tamaki cocked his head "What? Oh, just something Honorable Grandmother asked me to do...anyway speaking of Grandmother, Suoh Corps. has started business relation in Beijing, China. A Chinese representative came to greet my Grandmother and I yesterday and brought gifts for my family and friends! I most say I was surprised how much he already knew about me!"

Kyoya stopped writing and closed the notebook "You ARE the company's Heir, don't forget."

"Oh...right. Anyway the first gifts go to Hunny-Senpai and Haruhi!"

They walked forward watching Tamaki pull out a giant plate of cupcake-looking things "These are called Mooncakes! They're made with Lotus Seed paste and are traditionally eaten during the Mid-Autumn Festival, one of the four most important festival in China!"

They each take one and take a bite. Haruhi's eyes light up with happiness and I swear I see tiny little flowers floating around Hunny-senpai's head...

"This is so good Senpai! There's even a Quail egg inside!"

Tamaki furrowed his eyebrows "Please be careful with those. They're around 1000 calories each."

She drops the tiny little cake back onto the plate.

Hunny beams at her "Your not going to finish that? More for me then!"

"Mitsukuni, be sure to brush your teeth when your done."

"Ok, Takashi!"

Tono reaches back into the bag "The next present is for Mori-senpai."

Mori walks up to the bag and watches Tamaki pull out a bamboo stick. Wait...No, its a sword in a bamboo sheath!

That is so cool!

Mori takes the sword and unsheathes it, admiring the details of the blade. He does a little trick with it, that reminded me of when I played 'Legend of Zelda' last week, before sheathing it again. He give Tamaki a nod of approval before taking his seat again.

"I'm glad you like it! The next gift is for...Mommy!"

"Me?" He walks over to the bag and tries to peek inside. Tamaki quickly closes it "No peeking!"

"...fine." he said, taking a step back and watching Tono pull out a... jade paintbrush?

"This solid Jade Calligraphy brush has been in their family for generations, or so they say. He told me to give this to you and also asked if he could have a word with the head of Ootori Medical?"

"Of course he did, but I accept the gift anyway."

Tono laughs than looks at me and Hikaru "Hikaru, Kaoru, this last gift is for the both of you!"

Hikaru and I take a step forward. I wonder what it could be...

Tamaki pulls out a relatively large, green statue. It was a translucent, green circle with two interlocking swirls in the middle "This is a Double Koru **(A/N I changed the title cover to a picture of the statue if you can see it)**."

"...Double-"  
"-Koru? What is that like a pun off my name?"

Tono smiles and points at the statue "See these swirls? Their called Koru's. A single Koru is shaped like an opening frond of a fern leaf, depicting the meaning of 'New beginnings and growth'. This Double Koru, made of Nephrite Jade, represents two lives developing, growing in harmony within the circle of life. Just like you two! It also stands for a stable environment for new life."

Hikaru and I smile at Tono before each holding one end of the statue and moving it across the room to our table and setting it back down; our new centerpiece of brotherly love.

Tamaki looks at the clock "Oh! Places people! The Princesses will be arriving soon!"

As we're waiting for our guests Hikaru starts absentmindedly playing with a teacup while I just can't seem to get my mind off of what Tono said about that statue...

_"Two lives developing, growing in harmony."_  
_"Just like you two."_

There was a swirl for each of us, trapped inside of that circle; trapped inside of our little world. As I stared at it, my mind replaying what he had said over and over again, I began to grow a deep seated hatred for it.

Two lives growing in harmony? There's no harmony between us! My very presence is ruining his life! As long as I'm here Hikaru will always be trapped inside that circle. As long as I'm here Hikaru will never look past what we have and find something more, something that isn't me, something that can truly balance his life.

_As long as I'm here, blocking his way out, Hikaru will always be trapped in that detestable circle..._

The doors open and Tono's voice brings me back to reality "Hello Princesses and welcome to the Host Club!"

* * *

**(A/N) So how was it guys? Everything you hoped it would be? Lol**

**Anyways for those who can see the cover page, here is a picture of the statue:**

**boneart . co . nz / custom / Koru1 . jpg**

**Just copy and paste into your web browser and then remove all the spaces :P**


	8. Chapter 8

***Chapter 8***

***The Signs are Everywhere If You Know Where to Look... ***

**-Thursday (Kaoru's POV)-**

As I looked around I thought to myself "Why did I come here?"

I had decided, rather spontaneously, that I would eat lunch on the roof today but when I got here I realized something. Our roof doesn't have a fence surrounding it...Maybe it just wasn't that aesthetically pleasing.

Haruhi had made everyone bento boxes today. I wasn't very hungry so I was on my way to the music room to spend lunch with Kyoya when I noticed a janitor had left the key to the roof in the door; the lack of a fence showing me why the door needed to be locked in the first place.

Now here I am...sitting 10 feet from the edge of the roof, the Bento Box in my lap. The urge to move closer becoming stronger by the second-

"There you are, Kaoru!"

I snap from my delirium and look behind me. It was Haruhi.

I shake away the rest of the bad thoughts "What are you doing up here? And please don't say 'well I could ask you the same question' because that's just too cheesy."

She just smiled and sat down next to me "Wow, its a pretty long drop from here!"

"Yeah, I know..."

_It's almost too tempting..._

"How was the lunch I made you?"

"It was actually pretty good!" I lied, "For a commoner that is!"

She laughed and punched my shoulder. Ouch.

"You hit like a boy y'know that?"

"I'll take that as a compliment, seeing as how I'm suppose to be one."

"Ok 'Miss Manly' what ARE you doing up here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"SEE! There you go! You did it anyway!"

"Hikaru and I were looking for you. You weren't in the cafeteria or the music room. He was worried sick."

_I knew it. Hikaru will follow me if I simply try to walk away from him. I have to go somewhere he can't follow. _

_I have to die..._

"Meh. Some time apart will do us both some good. What about you and Tono, huh? Shouldn't you be spending some time with your 'Daddy'?

"Cute." She frowned, "Real cute. Anyway, the supermarket gave away two tickets to the amusement park in a raffle yesterday."

"Cool, did you enter?"

She pulled two slips of paper from her blazer pocket and handed them to me "Enter? I won! But I'm not going."

"Why not?...Oh..." I realized when she started holding her lower abdomen.

"I'll be fine by next Monday, but those tickets expire Sunday morning. Maybe you and Hikaru should go? You guys like "commoner" places right?" she air quoted.

At that moment I felt so happy "Thank you Haruhi!" I gave her a tight squeeze, quickly letting go when she winced a little, "Sorry..."

"Yeah yeah. Come on, let's get back down-wait a minute! Your rich! You can go whenever you want! Give me back my tickets I'll give them to someone else!"

"TOO LATE! No takesies backsies!"

"Fine! Whatever. Come on, let's get back downstairs, Lunch is almost over."

I help her to her feet before bending down and grabbing my bento box. I take one final look at the edge of the roof before heading towards the door. As I turn around I see Haruhi pull a folded up piece of paper and a pen from her other Blazer pocket and quickly jot something down. When she was done she put the items back into her pocket and smiled back at me "Ready to go?"

"...Yeah..."

When we reached the stairs I froze. Haruhi was already halfway down the stairs when she saw I wasn't following "Are you coming or not?"

I couldn't think straight. I just stared down at the stairs, trying to remember something...

I heard Haruhi say something but it didn't process "What?"

"I said don't tell me you've forgotten how to use the stairs?"

"Haha very funny." I said rather dryly before walking down and catching up to her. She pulled the paper back out of her pocket and started writing again.

I had to ask "What is that?"

She slipped it back into her pocket "Hm? Im carrying this around so I can write down things I need to go buy afterschool."

"You commoners are so weird..."

We were laughing on the way back to class but still I could help but think back to that moment at the top of the staircase. What the Hell happened back there? I think for a second I actually DID forget how to use stairs...

It's official. I'm finally losing my mind.

* * *

**(A/N) Alright that ends chapter 8. Im sorry if it was too short for your liking but I did post two chapters today so I regret nothing!**

**As always, Reviews inspire me to write more! :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**(A/N) HI guys! Sorry I was a little late with this one, I didnt like it so I spent the day rewriting it, which was really hard because I only ever feel like writing at night :) Oh and Special Thanks to all my new followers!**

**Review Corner:**

_iwasbored **Thank You! Im glad you decided to review :D It makes me happy :3**_

_Guest **It will be sad if he kills himself, though i still havent decided what im going to do yet...**_

_Guest **Ok...you guests really gotta pick a screen name, lol. Luv luv luv you too! :p**_

_As White As Snow **Your reviews always make me smile :3 Im glad you think my storytelling is not only captivating, but unique as well^^ I try really hard to avoid cliche' and make the dialouge sound like something a person would actually say in real life.**_

_Misato92 **You've just boosted my confidence so high! :D**_

_Adorable Reader **Now if only Kaoru could see that... **_

_**I think we've ALL had those moments! Also in the state of mind Kaoru is in, spending MORE time with Hikaru might actually be a bad thing, but who knows? Something wonderful might happen...**_

**And now on with the story. I really hope you guys like this chapter, like I said it changed so it might not have the effect I was going for...**

* * *

***Chapter 9***

***Even if they never tell you what's wrong, they always give you hints...***

**-Friday (Hitachiin Mansion)-**

**-Kaoru's POV-**

"Hikaru look at me...No, no you gotta look...see...first you pick up a bowl. A nice, round, clean bowl. This one is orange. I'm in an 'orange bowl' kinda mood today...no Hikaru, you gotta keep watching! ...You put the bowl on the counter...like so. Then you see this box? We add the contents to the bowl like such...Not too much, just enough, NO HIKARU THAT'S TOO MUCH! Now you see this jug? Same thing as before; we can't add to much- HIKARU WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Ok...here comes the hard part...you see this mystical piece of metal that I'm holding? It lets us transfer what we just made to our mouths! See you put it into the bowl and make sort of a scooping motion before-"

"Kaoru, I know how to make a bowl of cereal!"

"Then how in Gods name did you BURN mine?!"

"I was curious..."

"ABOUT WHAT?!"

"I wanted to know what it would taste like if I heated it up so I put it in the oven and-"

"STOP PUTTING THINGS IN OUR OVEN!"

"Oh would you look at the time! We gotta get ready for school, Kaoru!"

"Where do you think your going? We are NOT done with this discussion!"

I laughed and watched him run through the kitchen door. I waited until I heard him reach the top of the stairs before going over to the sink and pouring the bowl of cereal I had just made down the garbage disposal. I didn't even bother to turn it on before walking back to the kitchen table and taking a seat. I started playing with the flower vase that was in the middle of the table.

I'm not happy.

Not at all.

I realise this.

I haven't been truly happy in a long time.

I thought I was happy when Haruhi gave me and Hikaru those amusement park tickets yesterday, the thought of Hikaru and I spending a whole day just goofing off with the 'commoners' made me happy at first...

_Hikaru and I should be growing further apart not closer together._

But I just couldn't do that. I love being with him. He brings so much joy to my life. He's my twin! He's the other half of me; the other half of my life! And since I'm the other half of his life, shouldn't that mean he feels the exact same way about me?

But then again...that's also the problem. If I'm the other half of Hikaru's life, that means he's only living half of his life.

_I'm taking up too much space..._

But I also don't want to give back the other half. I know its selfish but...it's mine. Half of his life is MY life.

I hurled the vase at the wall, tears in my eyes as I watched it shatter into pieces.

I heard someone yelling something upstairs but I was too angry to pay then any attention.

_I'm not a twin. I'm just a parasite. Selfishly feeding of the cheer and bliss and alleviation that my half of HIS life gives me. I find solace in keeping him to myself and away from everyone else. Keeping his mind locked away in our little world. He doesn't want to reach out to anyone else because I won't let him. I'm obsessed and addicted and...and..._

Something started shaking me, something loud...what was it?

"KAORU! Answer me! What happened?!"

I was staring into a mirror...

"KAORU WHAT HAPPENED?!"

My reflection was...frightened...why? I wasn't scared...I was angry...

Reality caught up to me like a slap to the face.

"Hikaru...did you just slap me?"

"YES I DID! Now tell me what happened."

I looked back down at the shattered remains of a very expensive vase. Why the Hell did I just do that?

I wiped the tears from my eyes "I got mad and I threw it, ok? Come on let's just get to school-"

He cut me off "We're not leaving until you tell me why you were angry."

I looked him straight in the eyes, tears flowing freely down my face "I had a dream last night that you were going to leave me! Not just you, everyone! I was alone...all alone. I tried to convince you to stay but you just kept saying this was for the best, that it had to be this way, that-"

I was cut off again by a sudden embrace "Shh, its ok, alright? it's going to be ok, Kaoru."

He rocked me back and forth as I cried into his shoulder "It's ok, Kaoru. It was just a dream...I'll never leave you...I promise."

_So this was it. He would always be with me, following me around, no way of trying to convince him to live a separate life from me._

This was a test...  
His actions today only serving to further my conviction...

* * *

**-After school (Host Club)-**

**-Kaoru's POV-**

"TOO MUCH SEXY!"

There were more fangirls on the floor than left standing. Who knew crossdressing would be such a big hit...

I watched Tono fist-pump in success as they landed head first on the pillows that were randomly strewn across the floor. He then pulled out a tiny pink pocket mirror, smiling to himself as he touch up his make-up, obviously enjoying the new look.

I fixed my choker a little and looked over at Hikaru who was wiping something off of his red plaid miniskirt. He looked up at Tono and muttered something along the lines of 'Metrosexual'

Tono, who was just within ear shot of Hikaru, looked up and blinked in confusion, brush still in hand "I'm sorry?"

I just laughed and sat down next to Hikaru "No wonder you wanted us to crossdress for Club today, your a little TOO good at being a girl Tono!"

Tono snapped the mirror shut and walked over to us, glaring "Your one to talk! What are THESE?" he grabbed at each of their chests.

We comically covered our 'boobs' and turned around in mock fright, like we had just been caught naked "How dare you!" We cried "We should have you arrested!"

He dropped his hands and frantically tried to defend himself "No don't do that! I'm a girl too see!"

When we pretended to cry he quickly turned away from us and yelled "MOMMY!" desparatly looking around the room for Kyoya.

Kyoya was still changing in the back. When he finally emerged from the back room I swear I could feel the Earth stand still "You called?"

He had long brunette hair swept over one shoulder and a long, silky, black dress with a split running up the side of his stockinged leg to his thigh and matching black stiletto heels. His glasses were gone so I assumed he was also wearing contacts.

I'm not gonna lie...he was sexy as hell!

He seductively slinked over to Tamaki and slowly ran his fingers up Tono's chest, wrapping them around the back of his neck, their lips only centimeters apart "Was there something you wanted, Daddy?"

We lost all the fangirls...all of them.

We also lost Tamaki...

The rest of us could only gawk at what just happened. Well, all except Kyoya who simply turned his head to the side and smirked at Hikaru and me. I could feel the heat building in my face.

"Looks like I just beat your record. Oh and here's your disk back." He tossed it at our feet, obviously unaffected by what had just done, while I could only stare stupidly at the round, flat object on the floor. Even Hikaru looked flushed.

I looked up back up at Kyoya, watching him smirk to himself before walking over to a table and crossing his legs, looking around and admiring his work.

Haruhi sweatdropped, standing up to adjust her skirt "Don't you think that was a bit much, Senpai?"

He looked at her a smiled "Just showing you all how it's done."

She sat back down and looked around "Guess this means Host Club is done for the day, huh?"

I shrugged and looked at Hikaru. Hikaru just shrugged and looked back.

"Hey Kao-chan!"

I looked behind me and saw Hunny-Senpai sitting at his table holding a pink bunny shaped mirror, admiring his puffy pink Lolita dress and blond Shirley Temple curls. He looked up at me, smiling and waving me over.

I lifted my dress, carefully stepping over our still unconscious guests and walked over to him "Did you call me, Senpai?"

He placed the mirror on the table nodding with excitement "Yes. Doesn't this outfit make me look even cuter?"

"Uh...sure? Was that all you wanted?"

"Nope!" He beamed "Your going to spend the night at my house tonight!"

"What?! Why?"

"So we can hang out! Duh!"

I glanced back at Hikaru who had found his way over to Haruhi, saying something about how nice it was to see her dressed like a girl for once "What about Hikaru? Is he coming?"

"Nope, i'm inviting just you!"

"Why?"

"Why not? You two aren't a package deal. It's not like its either both of you or neither of you. Your individuals and I wanna hang out with you today!"

_Individuals? How I wish that were true..._

I looked back at Hikaru again. What was I thinking? Of course we're individuals!

Aren't we?

I turned back towards Hunny-Senpai and saw him writing something down in a notebook covered in bunny stickers "What are you writing?"

He closed the book and hugged it tightly, grinning at me. That, combined with the dress he was wearing, was kinda starting to freak me out...also...why did it seem like someone was always writing something whenever I was around? I'm starting to feel like I'm being spied on.

"This? It's just a list of things we can do! Item number 1: Bake a Cake!"

I cringed and held my stomach. It, along with my back, had been hurting almost constantly this week and the thought of eating cake was making it worse "But I don't want any cake..."

"You don't have to eat it! You just have to help me make it!"

Didn't have to eat it? I didn't even want to SMELL it "Can't Mori help you do it? I'm not in a 'cake baking' kind of mood."

"Takashi? He's busy at the Dojo this weekend." he looked back at his cross dressing cousin "Right Takashi?"

Mori looked over and flipped his hair over his shoulder with his hand, nodding.

"See? Busy!"

"...fine. I'll help you bake your cake..."

"Yay!" he squeezed me tightly. It really hurt my back. I ignore the pain and smile down at the blond.

Baking a cake...how bad can it be?

* * *

**(A/N) So yeah, this chapter was longer than I expected, so the beginning of the next chapter will be a continuation of this one. Im not sure im COMPLETELY happy with this chapter, but I still like the way it turned out :)**

**As always, Reviews inspire! Bye everyone! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**(A/N) SleepyNinjaCats is back with chapter 10! **

**Ten chapters in, this deserves a celebration! :D *Happy Dance* Now that that random burst of stupidity is out of my system:**

**-Review Corner-**

_As White As Snow **I'm so sorry I disapointed you! But Im glad i'm able to create and engaging story line :) Did you figure out what was wrong yet? Im dedicating a chapter to the first one who does!**_

_Secluded Tune **I was laughed while I was writing that part! XD **_

_Adorable Reader **I don't even know what they were wearing... (^_^") I'll just let your imagination decide (im such a lazy writer...) PS I think everyone should learn how to make a bowl of cereal^^**_

_Nayomi-Kiiroibara **You were sooo close...**_

_bleachfangirl7 **I was JUST about to upload this chapter when I recieved your Review. (I always do the review corner after I edit my story) You have GOT to tell me if your still on when you see the story update :D Thanks again for the compliments!**_

**Now on with the story...**

* * *

***Chapter 10***

***Kaoru in Wonderland***

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I was in terrible mood, simply because I had to walk past that fucking statue again to leave the club room. My hatred for the damned object had nearly doubled in the past 2 days since Tono first gave it to my brother and I.

I hated that statue. I loathed that statue. I _despised_ that statue!

That statue took everything that was wrong with my existence and hurled it back in my face!

As I walked with Hunny-Senpai to his family's all-white Limo I silently swore to myself that I would take a sledgehammer to it, first chance I got...

When we pulled up to the front gates of the the Haninozuka Mansion, I barely noticed the driver rolling down the window and saying his name into some sort of intercom thing. There was an loud 'click' as the gates opened. When we finally drove through the gates, my feelings of self hatred melted into pure amazement. His family's home was bigger than ours!

I was wide-eyed "Your house is huge!"

"Hm? Not necessarily. It's actually not much bigger than yours, see that part," he pointed out of the window towards the right side of the house, "That entire section is my family's Dojo! Usa-chan and I are training some students there tomorrow but you'll be gone by then so it's not even worth mentioning."

I looked to the seat next to me, staring at the 18 year old who was still wearing his pink Lolita dress and wig, a stuffed pink bunny held tightly in his arms, trying to comprehend how _this_ kid was Japan's greatest Martial Artist. I could feel a slight headache coming.

The Limo stopped and the driver let us out. I hiked the duffle bag of clothes I was carrying higher up my shoulder before following a practically bouncing Hunny up the stairs to the front door. Before we even reached the door, it opened revealing two of the family's maids, both were so 'happy-go-lucky' that I just HAD to wonder how much they were being paid...

"Hello Honey! Hi Usa-chan!" said one.

"Welcome home you two!" beamed the other.

The first pulled something from behind her back "We made Usa-chan a plate of cookies!"

"We also made sure all of your cake ingredients were already on the counter so that you and your..."friend" don't have to look for anything!"

I realize I haven't been in my right mind lately, but I could have SWORN she practically spat the word "friend". I'm also pretty sure the other one glared at me at one point...what was that about?

Hunny, completely oblivious to the situation that _I'm_ not even sure happened, thanked them both and took the plate. As we walked towards the kitchen, which actually took a while considering the size of the house, I couldn't help wonder what I had done...and also why no one commented on his dress. It was scary to think that maybe they were use to this kind of behavior.

I was about to ask Hunny if he saw anything when he ran in front of me, curls flopping about, and held open the door for me.

I hadn't even reached the door yet before saying "Thanks, Senpai. So this is you kitchen?"

"Nope. This is my room! You can leave your pajamas and stuff here."

I felt like I was walking into a fairytale! His room was enormous and everything in it was a shade of either purple, pink, or white. The giant white Teddy Bears that lined the violet colored walls, the fuchsia colored gummy bear shaped lamp on his lavender colored desk, the white couch with the lapis colored throw pillows, the white veil that hung over his Hot Pink Queen sized bed, the Amethyst bookshelf next to the Cerise pink vanity, even the door had been pink now that I think about it!

Hunny walked up to the desk to set Usa-chan down and sat the plate of cookies down in front of him saying something like 'i hope you enjoy these' before walking back and sitting on the couch. He smiled at me and pulled off his bookbag as I carelessly tossed my duffle bag onto the plush white carpeting, wondering why the Hell I knew so many shades of pink and purple before inwardly face-palming when I remembered I come from a family of fashion designers.

I laughed "So this is where Hunnys come from." I mocked.

His smile widened as he mused "You like it? There use to be nothing but a bed in here, but that was before Tama-chan told me it was ok to like cute things. Sometimes I feel as though I owe all of my current happiness to him. Oh! And Takashi, too!"

At first I was a little skeptical about the dress but if it made him this happy than who was I to judge? And he was right about Tono. It was because of him that Hikaru and I were able to start trusting people more. We held so much respect for him. Maybe if Hikaru spent less time with me and more time with him he wouldn't be so pessimistic about the world.

_At least I know Hikaru will be in better hands when I'm gone..._

"Do I have to spend the night? Hikaru and I are going to the amusment park tomorrow."

He smiled "Really? Which one?"

Which one? I didn't even know. I know I read the name on the tickets, but I can't remember it...

"Y'know what I'm not even sure. Haruhi gave me the tickets, I guess I'll just look at the back of one when I get back home."

He pulled his bunny covered notebook back out of his bag and started scribbling again. At this point I didn't even care anymore.

I looked away from him and sat on the carpet waiting for him to finish, wishing I had remembered to bring my iPod with me. I wonder what kinds of music Hunny listens to?

"Hey Senpai?"

He looked up "Yes?"

"What kinds of music do you listen to?"

He put the notebook back into his bag and started tapping his finger to his lips, apparently in deep thought before finally walking over to his bed and tossing me the tiny Hello Kitty MP3 player that was under his pillow.

I smiled at how adorable it was before flipping through the song list. When I found a song with an interesting title I put in the earbuds.

The innocent image I once held over Hunny for so long was shattered the moment I pressed play:

_**Here's your introduction to destruction**_  
_**& the hate sustaining me**_

_**Are we safer or in danger?**_  
_**Drowning in atrocities?**_

_**Riot gear, the slaves are here**_  
_**Piling corpses high**_

_**Its the rich man's war**_  
_**But its the poor that fight**_

_**More capitalist crimes,**_  
_**More enemies than allies**_

_**No WMD's - who gives a fuck**_  
_**If they die**_

_**Just kill em all - watch em fall**_  
_**Skin the world with their lies**_

_**Its a rich man's war**_  
_**But it the poor that fight!**_

I...was frozen in shock...all I knew was it was a woman singing. I stare at Hunny in shock "Senpai what is this?!"

"I can't hear anything, turn it up."

I snatch the buds from my ears and turned the volume on full blast.

_**My religion of resistance**_  
_**Challenging everything**_

_**Radicals & dissidents**_  
_**Of creativity**_

_**We are the children**_  
_**Of the siege you hide**_  
_**In this rich man's war**_  
_**Where the poor just die**_

To my absolute horror, he actually starts singing along!

_**More deception & greed**_  
_**More wars & disease**_

_**More lies from the hive mind**_  
_**That seek to deceive**_

_**A weak nation of need**_  
_**Like silent thieves in the night**_

_**Its a rich man's war**_  
_**But it's the poor that die!**_

I can't take this anymore!

He cocked his head "Hey why'd you press stop? I like that song."

In a dazed panic I look around the room, then at the dress he was wearing, then back to the MP3, the entire time my mind flashed with images of the time Hunny had incapacitated the entirety of Kyoya's ARMED 100 man police force and how he wasn't allowed to go all out in a public fight because he was able to cause so much destruction Japan would be labels as harboring a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

When I looked him in the eyes he cocked his head again and smiled like a little girl.

I had to ask "Hunny-senpai, whats your blood type?"

He just giggled at me "AB. Why?"

Type AB, split-personality.

Just like Kyoya!

I wasn't spending the night over a friends house.

I was spending the night with a psychopath!

* * *

**-Later that night-**

I was wide awake. I had woken up some time ago and just couldnt seem to get back to sleep. Actually it was more like I just didn't _feel _like sleeping anymore. I rolled my head on my pillow so I could look at the digital clock on Hunny's nightstand.

2:34am

I stared at the dark ceiling thinking about the cake we made.

How did Kaoru's cake turn out, you ask? Let's just say he can never talk about Hikaru's cooking ever again.

I laughed when I realized I was talking to myself in the 3rd person. I looked back at the clock, still displaying the same time. I had to get up early tomorrow so I knew I should've been asleep by now. My sleeping patterns have been so messed up lately... Sometime I'll sleep for almost 10 or 12 hours, other times I would lie awake with insomnia.

Just like tonight.

I looked over at Hunny, who was now wearing purple pajamas. I made sure he was fast asleep before getting out of bed. I looked down at my own orange pajamas. Funny, I don't remember us changing clothes. Then again I don't remember going to sleep either...

I walked through the darkness towards my duffle bag, trying not to step on anything. I unzipped it and started feeling around for something. When I thought I found it I pulled it out and held it up to what little like was coming in through the window. It wasn't what I was looking for but I couldn't take my eyes off of the object in my hands.

It was my switchblade.

I started walking out of Hunny's room and into the hallway, knife in hand, thinking about the other day in the Limo with Hikaru:

_If there was a button that could end all of existence, would you press it?_

I kept absentmindedly switching the blade from one hand to the other, playing with it.

This was my version of that button. I knew I wanted to press it. I knew I had to press it...

But is know the right time?

_It doesn't matter...Everything up until now will just be forgotten._

I looked up, realizing I had walked into the bathroom. I started to turn around and leave but I had the sudden overwelming urge to look in the mirror. I saw Hikaru in the mirror again. I watched as his eyes welled up with tears. He was crying. Crying because I was too selfish to give him his life; too selfish to let him become an individual instead of forever being trapped as part of a matching set. He looked at me with eyes that said _"Don't you want me to be happy?"_

I could feel tears running down my face as I looked down at the knife in my shaking left hand. I broke into a cold sweat when I realized there was a reason why I could never see myself in a mirror; why I only ever saw Hikaru.

_I didn't exist. I never existed. Only Hikaru did. I'm not a person, I'm just a copy, a mistake, a parasite._

I moved the knife into my right hand and opened it.

_If I was never real then it doesn't matter when I disappear._

I held the edge of the blade to my left wrist.

_I don't exist. I never existed. My life has been nothing more than a curse on Hikaru's._

I looked back up at Hikaru and knew then and there that I had to give him back the other half of his life.

I backed away from the mirror and slid down the wall to the floor. I lifted the knife above my head and shook violently as I stabbed the blade into my wrist.

It hurt so much...but I didn't stop. I held back my screams of agony and torment and kept going until I had ripped the blade halfway to my elbow, my tears flowed freely as blood ran down my arm, pooling in my lap and on the floor.

_It hurts so much..._

But even so, even through all the pain, even through all the tears caused by what I was giving up, even through all the heartache of never seeing Hikaru again, in this very moment...deep down I was happy.

I dropped the blade. I was finally at peace.

My eyes blurred and my head spun, my world loosing brightness as I watched the illusion that was my life vanish before my very eyes.

I could just barely feel a faint smile tug at the corners of my mouth as I fell to the tiled floor of Hunny's bathroom, dying in a pool of my own blood.

_Hikaru was finally free..._

* * *

"KAO-CHAN! PLEASE, KAO-CHAN WAKE UP!"

I could hear someone screaming and sat up desperately looking around for the source of that horrifying noise. I was so scared-

"KAO-CHAN STOP SCREAMING!"

Oh...it was me. I stopped, gasping for air as I came back to my senses. I looked around the room. When I saw I wasn't in the bathroom anymore I quickly looked at my left wrist. My pale skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat but other than that it was perfectly fine.

I reached for it with my other hand and held it tightly "It was all just a dream..." I looked at Hunny, the one who had woke me up. He was wearing the same pajamas from my dream only this time I actually remembered us changing clothes and going to bed.

He breathed in a sigh of relief and smiled weakly "I was so scared! You just started screaming out of no where! What were you dreaming about?"

I shook my head, still trying to calm my breathing "...I don't remember..." I lied.

I really wanted to tell him. I truly did, but how could I? These thoughts, these feelings, they were scaring me so badly. I knew I had to tell someone, I knew I had to get help...but how can you tell someone you want to kill yourself without even having a reason for doing so? The reasons my thoughts kept telling me didn't make any sense, but it was disturbing how much I was slowly starting to believe them.

The amount of anguish and torment I would be putting everyone through if I finally gave in to these thoughts terrified me. I couldn't even explain to _myself_ what was happening, so how could I explain it to someone else?

But I knew if I didn't tell someone soon...

Hunny smiled at me rather excitedly "Well I'm glad your ok now!"

Why couldn't he see what was happening to me?

He glanced at the clock "It's 6:13 now so you should start getting dressed. You and Hikaru are going to the amusement park today, remember? Bring me back a funnel cake!"

* * *

**(A/N) Sorry for the scare guys! Just keeping you on your toes, Halloween IS coming up y'know!**

**Also bonus points for anyone who can name the song (That I DONT own) on Hunny-senpai's player.**

**As always, Reviews help! **

**Bye guys :3**


	11. Chapter 11

**(A/N) Hey guys! Im back with the longest chapter yet! Took me 2 days to write and edit it, did you guys miss me? **

**Also congragulations to **_Lillix-lolita**,** tiger2213**, **_**and**_ Adorable Reader _**for guessing the song on Hunnys MP3. It was Confrontation by OTEP *as everyone goes back and rereads that part after listening to the song on youtube* (Adorable actually said "Contempation" but close enough :P)**

**Theres a special prize waiting for the three of you in the middle of this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

**-Review Corner-**

_sadhunnybunny36 **I was actually going to start the chapter off like that but then I erased it, just didnt flow right.**_

_Lillix-lolita **You were actually the first person to guess the song right, I didnt think anyone would!**_

_Misato92 **(^. - )**_

_As White As Snow **He realizes hurting him would also hurt his brother but the ideas and justifications are still clouding his judgement. Oh and the Hello Kitty mp3 was just too adorable to not write in there! :D**_

_tiger2213 **Its sad, yes but it might get better! We just gotta stay positive! ****Glad to know I can write a believable suicide, I wonder how that will play out later in the story... also congrats again on guessing the song :)**_

_Adorable Reader **He's deluded himself into believing his very existence is a sin and hes trying to run away from it, but the thing is...how do you escape from life itself?**_

**Anyways, on with the story...**

* * *

***Chapter 11***

***How Do You Help Someone Who Doesn't Want to be Saved?***

**-Hikaru's POV-**

"Uh huh...yeah I'm picking him up right...don't be a moron, How would I know whats happening if I've been over here the whole-...TONO I JUST SAID HOW WOULD I- STOP CUTTING ME OFF... Oh...that's what you meant? I'm sorry! Geez stop crying, ok? I'm worried too. Kaoru's been pretty restless lately, he's all antsy and jumpy and to be honest it's kinda starting to...what?! NO YOUR NOT FOLLOWING US! I swear if I see you there I will...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WON'T SEE YOU IF YOU WEAR A DRESS?! Well now I know what to look out for, thanks Tono! Oh wait, hold on someone's on the other line. Oh, it Kaoru! I gotta go, see you later! NO NOT AT THE PARK! GOOD BYE TONO!"

I switched to the other line "Hello? Yeah I'm on my way now...Yeah, stop worrying I grabbed the tickets of the dresser like five minutes ago...the name on the back? Oh uh, hold on...Neon Amusement Park. What? Yeah. I'll be over when I'm down fixing my hair...Why? Because I have to look sexy, Duh!...Haha stop complaining, I'm actually pulling into the driveway as we speak...well duh! Of course I lied about getting the tickets five minutes ago, what did I teleport here? Oh no don't get me wrong, my hair is STILL sexy! Alright alright bye!"

I laughed and hung up my cellphone. My mind drifting off to thoughts of Kaoru. What I had told Tono was true. To the rest of the world, Kaoru probably seemed like his regular, calm, albiet mischievous self. But I knew better. He's been restless and anxious lately. Almost like the world was going to end but he didn't want anyone else to know...

When my Limo finally parked and the driver let me out, I walked up the stairs to the front door. The door opened and I was met by two rather eccentric maids.

They were VERY happy to say the least.

Well...that is, until they looked at me and started glaring.

What did I do? I looked down to make sure my fly wasn't down.

Nope, that's not it. I looked back up at the maids "What's...wrong? Is there something in my teeth?"

They looked me up and down, disgusted "No."

I started rubbing the back of my neck, confidence draining fast "So uh...Can I speak to Hunny?"

"Hunny and Usa-chan are busy entertaining..._'company'_." One said, saying the word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth, while the other one shuddered.

What the Hell was their problem? And I KNOW they weren't talking about Kaoru!

"Well I'm hear to pick up that _company_! Move it!" I pushed past them walking into the house, but then they tackled me!

I think they even had me in a wrestling move!

"KAORU! HUNNY-SENPAI! HELP ME!"

I tried to get them off but one held my legs down and the other had me in a choke hold! Can EVERYONE fight in this household?!

I heard someone running down the stairs "Oh hi Hika-chan! Your early, I wasn't expecting you here for another 10 minutes!"

"Senpai, call off your hounds!" I choked. My rudeness only making them hold me tighter.

"Hounds? We don't have any dogs. Although I've always wanted one!"

"SENPAI!" My vision was fading. Goodbye world!

"Hey can you two go see if Kao-chan is ready yet? He's been in the bathroom for over 20 minutes now..."

They released me and ran upstairs. Well more like dropped me, but who cares? IM ALIVE!

Kaoru came down the stairs with his duffle bag on his shoulder. When he saw me on the floor he just shook his head "I'm not even gonna ask..."

I got up taking deep breaths, rubbing my neck "I am! Why did those maids try to kill me?!"

"Hunny-Senpai told them about our act...turns out their not too trilled about twinscest."

"Oh really?" I hinted, Kaoru returning my mischievous smile.

I looked at Hunny "The park is 2 hours away from here, can we have something to eat?"

"Sure." He called back the MMA fighters, who were still glaring at us "Can you lead them to the kitchen? I need to go wake Chika-chan."

Kaoru looked confused "Your brother was here the entire time?"

"Yeah! He usually avoids me at home, though...anyway I'll be back!" He added as he raced up the stairs.

The maids were leading us to the kitchen when we heards loud bumping and thuds coming from the ceiling. I watched as one of the chandeliers started to shake. I guess the 'fight upon meeting' rule also applied INSIDE the house as well. I glanced at Kaoru and gave him a little nod. Taking the hint he took two more steps and pretended to fall.

I ran over to him and helped him up, being as dramatic as possible "Kaoru? Are you ok? Speak to me!"

He looked me in the eyes and blushed "It hurts a little, but not as much as it did having to spend the night away from you. I'll be fine as long as I can stay in your arms like this."

I pulled him closer "Of course, my sweet Kaoru."

"Hikaru..." He whimpered.

I glanced at the maids. Fury didn't even _begin_ to describe what I saw. They were so mad it actually became funny!

Kaoru and I dropped our embrace and fell to the floor, holding our sides in laughter.

Upon retrospect...it probably wasn't a good idea to piss of the people making your food...

We were sitting at the kitchen table, an innocent plate of pancakes sitting in front of us. Hunny was sitting across the table, happily eating cake as usual. _He_ had received service with a smile while our plates had practically been thrown at us.

I looked back down at my pancakes and narrowed my eyes. They looked perfectly fine. I'd even go as far as to say they were the best looking pancakes I'd ever seen in my life. And that's what scared me...they were too perfect...

I pushed the plate away "So Kaoru, how was your stay?"

He leaned over and started cupped my ear, whispering "When I came in yesterday, the servants had made a plate of cookies just for Usa-chan! Hunny set him on a desk upstairs and put the plate in front of him!"

"...so?"

He started shaking a little "Well when I woke up this morning the cookies were gone and there were cookie crumbs on Usa-chan's mouth!"

"So what, you think that stuffed bunny ate them? Hunny or another servant probably ate them when you weren't looking."

He sat back in his chair. "I guess so..."

Hunny looked up at the Kitchen door "Oh there you are Usa-chan! Do you want some cake?"

I looked at the doorway and almost screamed! Usa-chan was sitting on the floor, leaning against the frame!

"I knew that thing was alive!" Kaoru screamed.

Hunny waited for a response. When he didn't he one he said "Oh well! More for me!"

I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I swear its staring at me!

I was waiting for it to move...

But it never did...

"What time is it Senpai?" I asked, my eyes never leaving Usa-chan's.

I heard him say "7:58." Have we really been here that long?

"C-come on Kaoru. We should l-leave now."

"But it's blocking the door! We're trapped!"

"We've got no choice. We have to make a run for it!"

"Hikaru no! I can't make it!"

"No! We have to try! Are you ready? Three...two...ONE!"

We made a break for it. As soon as we made it to the doorway we leapt over the cursed plush toy. Thats I made the mistake of looking back...

I think maybe one of us might have kicked it because now it was lying on its stomach, eyes boring into my very soul!

"What are you narcissists doing now?"

I turned back and saw Hunny's attack servants "We were just leaving!"

They started pushing us to the door "Well hurry up and go!"

I just barly heard Hunny yelling from the kitchen "Bye! Don't forget my funnel cake!" before we were quite literally thrown out the door. Before we could stand, one of the maids hurled Kaoru's bag at my head before slamming and audibly locking the door.

I started to run back to the door, intent on kicking it down when Kaoru said "What's that on your back?"

I stopped and reached around. There was a price of paper tapped to my back.

I pulled it of and read it "_Twincest. Verb. Definition: The act of masturbating from a 3rd person point of view_... IM GONNA KILL THEM!"

He walked away from me "Just let it go, Hikaru."

"Wait! You've got one too!" I ripped it of his back and handed it to him.

He took it and read it "_Let's get one thing straight...I'm not_."

He stood there. Perfectly still.

Then his eyebrow twitched and he ripped up the paper before stomping off the the Limo, muttering to himself.

I followed after him "Yeah it doesn't feel too good when it happens to you, does it?"

"Just let it go..." he repeated, more to himself than to me.

* * *

During the two hour limo ride to Neon Amusement Park, Kaoru kept holding his left wrist, staring straight ahead, deep in thought.

"What's wrong, Kaoru? Hurt yourself?"

"...Huh? What?"

"I said did you hurt yourself?"

"When?"

"Why are you rubbing your wrist?"

"When was I...?" he looked down and quickly separated his hands.

"Kaoru...we need to talk."

"...about what?"

"About you. What's wrong?"

"I don't know what your talking about-"

"Don't even start that! Your going to tell me what's-"

He cut me off, staring into the distance "Hikaru stop talking..."

"What? No I'm not-"

"Hikaru... Stop talking..." his eye twitched a little

"Kaoru, I'm worried about you-"

I hesitated when he started bouncing his leg obviously irritated before continuing "-I really think we need to-"

His leg bounced faster and he started clenching and unclenching his hands "Hikaru, I'm extremely agitated right now and I don't wanna take it out on you so PLEASE just shut the FUCK up!" he stopped bouncing and clapped his hands over his mouth "I'm...so sorry, Hikaru! I was just suddenly so confused...I couldn't tell what was going on or what was happening and I couldn't think straight and you just kept talking and talking and making it worse!" tears started to appear in the corners of his eyes when I wrapped my arms around him.

"Calm down, Kaoru."

He started crying into my chest "P-please d-don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad. It's ok." I gently rocked him back and forth.

Whatever was wrong with him, was getting worse...

I just wish he would talk to me; tell me what was happening to him...

* * *

By the time we reached the park Kaoru was smiling again and my shirt had completely dried. I was still worried but I didn't press any further, I didn't want him to cry again.

When we parked and the driver let us out, Kaoru grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards the Ticket gate "Come on, Hika!"

We showed the guy at the booth our tickets and went up to the main entrance. There was a giant clock just above the entrance and I read the time.

9:58

When we were officially inside of the park Kaoru beamed "So where do you wanna go first?"

I remembered the Pancakes I didn't eat "Let's go somewhere that has food."

Kaoru started looking around "Ok how about...hey wait...isn't that Kyoya?" he was pointing towards a Directory at a raven haired kid wearing jeans and a black track jacket, a pair of headphones around his neck.

We walked a little closer and sure enough there he was, standing with most of his weight on one leg and one of his hands in his jacket pocket. He had a rather bored look on his face.

I speed walked towards him, irritated "Kyoya!"

He looked up with limited interest "Hey."

"I thought told Tono not to bring you guys here!"

"Tamaki? He's sitting in on a business meeting at the Suou Corp main building today."

"Then why are you here? And why are you wearing that jacket? It's like 80 degrees out here!"

He just laughed "I won't be out here much longer. My family actually owns this amusement park. I'm here to make sure it's employees are all doing their jobs."

He turned towards the Directory and pulled out a brochure, handing it to us "Here, have a map. _Have fun at the park_." and then he walked away.

I didn't like the way he said 'have fun at the park'. It sounded like he was foreshadowing something...

I ignored my paranoia and unfolded the map, holding one side as Kaoru held the other. "Hm...oh there's a Karaoke Club here called, _Starlight_? I'm sure theres food there."

"Karaoke? Really, you couldn't find anything else?"

"Come on Kaoru it's really close to here and it'll be fun! Please?"

"...fine."

"Yes!"

He laughed and followed me to Club Starlight.

When we walked in my first impression was that the club looked like a bar with colorful tables and a stage lit up in neon lights.

We found a table were we could sit by ourselves and took a seat. When a waitress came over I ordered a Turkey club sandwich and a Coka-Cola. Kaoru said he wasn't hungry.

We sat in silence, listening to the performances. When I was halfway through my sandwich I finally decided to break the silence "So...what are we going to sing?"

"..."

"Kaoru!"

"What?!"

"What are we going to sing?"

"...I don't know. Got any ideas?"

I took a sip of my Coke, thinking "Um...Oh! Remember our Aunts dinner party last year?"

He thought back for a moment "Yeah. We didn't want to be there so we made that big uproar by standing on a table and singing-" He stopped and a grin appearing on his face that would have made even the Cheshire Cate suspicious of his motives "You really sure the crowd can handle that one?"

"Do we honestly care?"

We waited for the girl onstage to finish her performance, me taking this time to finish my sandwich. We got up from our table just as the MC said "and that was Ayaka with 'Monster' by Paramore! Give her a hand! Alright, who else wants a shot up here?"

I lead my twin to the stage "We do."

He covered his mic with his hand "Alright then! Just pick a song from that book over there."

We flipped through it, scrolling down until we found the one we wanted. When we told the MC, he just said "Interesting choice" before handing us our mics and announcing us on stage.

As we walked on stage I saw that Kaoru was a little nervous.

"Don't worry about them, just focus on me ok?"

* * *

**(A/N) Im dedicating this performance to **_Lillix-lolita_**,** _tiger2213_**, and** _Adorable Reader_ **for their correct guesses. Enjoy your prize!**

Song: Lying is the Most Fun

Artist: Panic! At the Disco

**"Bold"** = Hikaru

**_'Bold Italics' _**= Kaoru

**Bold Underlined**** = Both**

( ) = What they are doing as they are singing. Though the descriptions might seem long, they are still keeping up with the song.

* * *

**-The Twins Performance (Third person POV)-**

(Kaoru walked with Hikaru to the middle of the stage and wrapped his arms around his brothers waist as his twin, looking him in the eyes as his twin smirked and started singing in a low, husky, rather seductive voice.)

**"Is it still me that makes you sweat? **

**Am I who you think about in bed?"**

(Kaoru started to lower his body down his brothers front, running his fingers down Hikaru's hips, eyes never leaving his face and singing with just as much lust as his brother)

_**'When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?'**_

(Before he got too low Hikaru put a finger under Kaoru's chin guiding him back up)

**"Then think of what you did**

**And how I hope to God he was worth it."**

(When he was back at eye level, Kaoru started to run his hands up Hikaru's chest)

**_'When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.'_**

(Hikaru wrapped an arm around Kaoru's waist, starring straight into his eyes)

**"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck**

**Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me"**

**_'Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of_**

**_Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?'_**

**"No, no, no, you know it will always just be me"**

(They finally turned towards the crowd)

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster**

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,**

**Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,**

**Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

**_'So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus_**

**_In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?'_**

(Hikaru turns back to Kaoru and starts seductively tracing a finger down his chest)

**"Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part**

**Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick."**

(Kaoru stops his hand and smirks)

_**'I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.**_

_**Now let's not get selfish**_

_**Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?'**_

(Back to the crowd)

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster**

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,**

**Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,**

**Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

**Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat**

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster**  
**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**

(They switch roles, still flirting with each other, the crowd squealing like crazy)**_'_**

**_'I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck_**

**_Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me'_**

**"Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?"**

**_No, no, no, you know it will always just be me_**

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster**

(They smirk back at the crowd)

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

(They smile and begin to encircle each other, looking each other up and down with eyes full of wanting and lust)

**"So testosterone boys and harlequin girls"**

**_'Dance to this beat'_**

**"So testosterone boys and harlequin girls"**

**_'Dance to this beat'_**

(They embrace, melting into each others arms)

**And hold a lover close!**

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**

* * *

The crowd was cheering like mad, save for a few guys who were shaking their heads with...anger? Disgust?

Who cares? I was having fun!

When we walked past the MC to get off the stage, he winked at me and I smirked back. It kinda boosts your confidence to knowing both Women AND Men wanted you.

"Hey Hikaru..."

"Yeah?"

"Are you gay?"

I did NOT expect that "What? Because of what just happened? Just having a little fun thats all."

He simply smiled and shook his head at me.

I just shrugged "Say what you want, I'm secure! Are YOU gay?"

"What if I told you I was Bi?"

I stopped walking "You are? Seriously? If I knew that I would have had you flirt with the guy at the ticket gate so we could get in for free!"

"Hikaru."

"Oh man this is great! This could take our pranks to a whole new level!"

"Hikaru-"

"Kaoru how come you've waited until now to tell me-"

"HIKARU!"

"What?"

"I was just kidding. I'm not gay."

"Dammit! Are you sure? Not a single thought of Tono and Kyoya with fuzzy handcuffs and whip cream-"

"HIKARU!"

I held up my hands laughing "OK! I quit!"

When we left Starlight we went on as many rides and roller coasters as we could find. Most had music playing while you waited. While we were in line for a ride called the Sky Hawk, I was listening to the rock music blasting through the speakers:

_**I'm sitting in a room**_

_**Made up of only big white walls and in the**_

_**There are people looking through**_

_**The window in the door**_

_**they know exactly what we're here for.**_

_**Don't look up**_

_**Just let them think**_

_**There's no place else**_

_**You'd rather be.**_

_**You're always on display**_

_**For everyone to watch and learn from,**_

_**Don't you know by now,**_

_**You can't turn back**_

_**Because this road is all you'll ever have.**_

_**And it's obvious that you're dying, dying.**_

_**Just living proof that the camera's lying.**_

_**And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night.**_

_**So smile, 'cause you'll go out in style.**_

_**You'll go out in style.**_

I tapped Kaoru's arm "Hey Kaoru I know this son! It's Fences by Paramore...Kaoru?" He looked like he was having a silent panic attack. He was holding his wrist again, but he was shaking this time.

_**If you let me I could,**_

_**I'd show you how to build your fences,**_

_**Set restrictions, separate from the world.**_

_**The constant battle that you hate to fight,**_

_**Just blame the limelight.**_

_**Don't look up**_

_**Just let them think**_

_**There's no place else**_

_**You'd rather be.**_

_**And now you can't turn back**_

_**Because this road is all you'll ever have.**_

_**And it's obvious that you're dying, dying.**_

_**Just living proof that the camera's lying.**_

_**And oh oh open wide, 'cause this is your night.**_

_**So smile.**_

The entire time the music played I kept trying to get his attention "Kaoru your scaring me. What's wrong?"

_**Yeah, yeah you're asking for it**_

_**With every breath that you breathe in**_

_**Just breathe it in.**_

_**Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess**_

_**You do all this big talking**_

_**So now let's see you walk it.**_

_**I said let's see you walk it.**_

_**Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess**_

_**You do all this big talking**_

_**So now let's see you walk it.**_

_**I said let's see you walk it.**_

He didn't look at me. He was shaking and starting of into space. I'm not even sure if he knew I was still standing here. People past by us in line and I started shaking him, trying to pull him out of his daze.

_**And it's obvious that you're dying, dying.**_

_**Just living proof that the camera's lying.**_

_**And oh oh open wide, yeah oh oh open wide.**_

_**Yeah, oh oh open wide,**_

_**'Cause you'll go out in style.**_

_**You'll go out in style.**_

"Kaoru please! Answer me!"

He started shaking his head very slowly, still staring straight ahead muttering "I can't be here right now..."

"Kaoru, please let's just get out of line...please!"

He didn't move, he just kept shaking and staring "I can't be here right now...I shouldn't be...I can't..."

By now people were staring. I dragged him out of line and set him down on a bench.

"Kaoru. Please! What happened?"

"I...i can't...I...shouldn't..."

He started holding his stomach. He looked like he was in so much pain but there was nothing I could do.

Suddenly he looked up at me "I- I think I'm going to be sick!"

I walked him to a bathroom. As soon as it was in site he darted forward, me running after him. He ran into a stall and locked it.

We were alone in the bathroom and I could hear him throwing up. I just stood there, staring at the door, trying to figure out how to get him to talk to me.

When the retching sounds finally stopped I put my hand in the stall door, trying to support him from afar.

"Kaoru...let's just go home..."

"What? No I'm fine!"

"No your not...let's just-"

"No seriously! I don't wanna ruin your day! Please?"

"Your not ruining my day if I choose to go home. We can come back some other time, i just...I just need to make sure your ok-"

"Hikaru, stop worrying about me and do what make you happy for once."

"YOUR what makes me happy! You know I always put your needs above my own! Just..please, talk to me...tell me what's wrong!"

The door unlocked and opened slowly. Kaoru walked out holding his stomach. His eyes were red and tears were cascading down his cheeks.

It hurt so much to see him like this "Look, if you wont tell me what's wrong, at least tell me how I can make you feel better."

He walked over to the paper towel dispenser to wipe his eyes. He sniffed a couple time before turning back to me "...I wanna go home..."

"Ok."

"But first I want you to win me a Teddy Bear." he smiled weakly.

What the fuck? I think it was meant to be a joke to lighten the mood but still, if he wants a Teddy Bear I'll get him a Teddy Bear!

I smiled back and gave him a quick hug, leading him out of the bathroom.

"Ok, I'll get you that Teddy Bear."

* * *

**(A/N) Did you three like your prize? Thank you all for playing!**

**Anyways this chapter was to show what Hikaru sees. He desparatly wants to help his brother, but he also believe making Kaoru relive all those emotions just to tell him whats wrong will cause his brother more pain than if he just waited for Kaoru to tell him on his own. Its conflicting to him because, either way, he doesn't want to see his brother cry.**

**Angst aside, Reviews are ALWAYS welcome and have a beautiful rest of your day...or night seeing as how I get most of my Reviews at night...weird.**

**Bye guys^^ **


	12. Chapter 12

**(A/N) Hey guys! Another 2-dayer :)**

**-Review Corner-**

_bleachfangirl7 **Thanks :P**_

_Misato92 **The Teddy Bear thing? I know! So Cute! :3**_

_As White As Snow **Really? Which song? I must know! Also Im so happy im able to create a memorable storyline :)**_

_Adorable Reader **If you were in his shoes, would you be able to tell someone?**_

_Nekotan1999 **I wish Hikaru did know what was going on (Which is weird since Im the author! But I can just change things y'know? I've created a personality and I have to act out the story accordingly, makes it more realistic this way :p )**_

_Death-Note-Fan01 **I think a healthy dose of tragedy is good now and then. It lets us know that there are still surprises left in the world; that life isnt just a giant rut of happiness and boredom...if that even makes any sense... Anyway Im still deciding how I want this to end, but trust me, if i choose a bad ending its going to be TRAGIC! Im a little twisted like that, you've been warned :)**_

_Guest **I know! I Love P!ATD :D Oh and pardon my stupidity but...do you mean Lovatic as in a Demi Lovato fangirl? (Like Justin Beiber and his "Beleibers"?) I was like whats lovatic so i googled it and thats all I could find, just wondering if there was a typo somewhere ;)**_

_iwasbored **Yes, yes you did, LoL**_

_sadhunnybunny36 **I never wrote down EVERYTHING that happened at Hunny's house. There will be flashbacks... AND OMG IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR CUZ! I didnt know my story was THAT believable! Tell them both Im deeply sorry for reminding them of that emotional turmoil! Im wondering if she had the same problem I gave Kaoru...AGAIN I am soo sorry and this apology extends to all future angst filled chapters :0**_

**Back to the story...now im sad...**

* * *

***Chapter 12***

***Kaoru's 12 Step Program***

**-Kaoru's POV-**

Hikaru gave me a quick hug and draped one of his arms around my shoulder, leading me out of the bathroom "Ok, I'll get you that Teddy Bear."

On the way out of the bathroom Hikaru pulled out the map again. He had a slight look of concentration on his face, probably trying to find a game that was easy for him to win.

I wiped my eyes again and continued to watch him.

I only asked him to win me a Teddy Bear so we could stay at the park a little longer. I knew if we went back home I would be left with nothing to do but lay in bed and think. I didn't want to do that.

My thoughts were scaring me so much...

Despite that, I still let my mind drift back to that song. I didn't even know what it was called, and yet it had such an effect on me. It wasn't even a sad song, and yet it reminded me of what I was doing; what I was hiding from. Why I had to keep up appearance so others wouldn't worry...

My mind couldn't take it and I just broke down. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so much guilt and self-hatred, it was all just one giant whirlwind in my mind, blocking out everyone and everything.

I also thought back to the Limo ride here and how I couldn't stop thinking about that dream.

That dream...

Was that really what dying felt like?

_It hurt so much..._  
_...and yet it was so peaceful._

All of a sudden I felt someone grab my arm and yank it upward.

"Hikaru what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to figure out why you keep holding your wrist like that..." he answered back, scrutinizing my arm.

Shit. I was doing it again...

"Hikaru, there is nothing wrong with my arm. Can I have it back know?"

He looked me in the eyes, trying to see if I was lying.

Reluctantly he let go and showed me the map. It was blowing in the wind a little so he had to fight to show me what it was "Wait, hold on...stupid map, ok here! Perfect place to get a Teddy Bear!"

"Hikaru that's a gift shop..."

"Yeah, I know! I'm a genius!"

I made myself blush, adding little tears for added effect "Hikaru...Why don't you love me anymore?"

"Nope. Not falling for it." he shook his head in determination

"But Hikaru...don't you want this to be special for me?"

He made the mistake of looking back "..."

Moron.

I deepened my blush, lowered my head a bit and lifted my eyebrows to round out my eyes more. I was a master at puppy dog eyes. I was the Uke for a reason y'know. "Please? For me?"

"...fine."

"Yes!" I fist pumped.

He shook his head "One day your going to teach me how to do that."

I met his eyes and smirked "If I did that then how would I get my way anymore?"

I heard a voice from behind me "You can't always get what you want y'know."

I looked behind me "Kyoya? Your still here?" he was holding a brown bear in his hands with a very annoyed look on his face.

He gave a little sigh "Yeah. My father won't be happy to hear how many people were slacking off. One even gave me this bear to keep my mouth shut. I think I'll give it to Tamaki."

My eyes widened "Aw no fair! I want one!"

He smirked "Hm? Maybe if your club sales were higher I would have given you this one. But don't worry. _I'm working on that_. In the mean time you can try that 'Guess Your Weight' game over there." he pointed behind him before walking away again.

The way he said ' But I'm working on that' was really...suspicious. Oh well, it's not like he's the only one keeping secrets...

Once Hikaru had refolded the map we started walking through the tiny sea of Commoners, towards the direction he was pointing until we reached the game. There was a rather bored looking woman standing next to a comically large scale. There was a huge, colorful, bubble lettered sign above that said _'GUESS YOUR WEIGHT and other things_' and a shelf stocked with all kinds of plush toys.

"Hikaru look!" I started pointing enthusiastically at one of the bears, "It looks just like Ted from 'Ted: The Movie'!"

He looked just as amazed as I did "Wow! It does! Do you want that one?"

I nodded excitedly and watched him walk up to the lady "So how do we play this? Am I suppose to guess YOUR weight? 'Cause you look a little-"

She cut him off "If you say fat I swear I'll stick my foot so far up your ass the water on my shoes will quench your thirst."

"..."

"Now then the object of the game is that _I_ have to guess either your weight, birth month, or age. The rules are: If I guess your weight within ten pounds I win, if I guess your age and Im only off by 1 year I win, and if I guess your birth month and I'm only of by 1 month I still win."

Hikaru scrunched up his face "Sounds like your cheating."

"Want a bear or not? I'll even give you 2 chances since there are two of you. And PLEASE don't pick birthday twice I had another pair of twins do that last week." she face-palmed.

Hikaru turned turned towards me "So what do you want her to guess?"

I thought for a second and whispered in his ear "We could go with age but it's easy to guess the age of a teenager, so we should pick weight and birth month."

He looked back at the lady "Alright then, I choose birth month."

The lady gave us a suspicious grin and pulled out a pencil and a tiny note book "I'm going to write my guess here and then show it to you." she started writing, but her eyes never left our faces. As she wrote she started singing the months, still never looking down at her paper, "January~, February~,March~"

Hikaru frowned "What the Hell are you doing?"

"April~,May~,June~,July~" she stopped at August and smirked "I know your secret~!" she singsonged.

This time I frowned "Are you insane?"

"Nope! But now I know your a Gemini!" she turned the paper towards us.

It had all of the months written down, each with a different number of check marks next to them, but all were crossed out except June.

Hikaru and I were stunned "How the Hell did you do that?!"

She started spinning the pencil in her fingers "I was watching your facial expressions. The closer I got to May the more nervous you looked, but you mysteriously calmed down when I said July..."

Hikaru folded his arms "Rip-off artist. Kaoru looks like its your turn."

I stepped forward "Ok then Miss College Psychology Major, I choose weight."

She scrutinized me as I covered my chest pretending to be offended, but also hoping it would throw her off a bit. After about 30 seconds she said "118"

118? Im 5' 10'', do you know how unhealthy that is? That Teddy Bear was mine!

Hikaru laughed but then quickly straightened out his face when he remembered she was still watching.

She narrowed her eyes at Hikaru before turning her attention back on me "Ok then Cutie prove me wrong, hop up on the scale."

I shook my head and stepped up on the scale waiting for the number to reach 130.

But it never did...

"122.6 pounds. I win again."

Hikaru started to glare at the woman "So you get your kicks by ripping people off with a rigged scale?!"

"There's nothing wrong with this scale and I'll prove it. You look like you weigh about 128, get on the scale."

Hikaru hesitated.

I walked off the scale, not looking him in the eyes. He looked from me to the woman, finally stepping onto the scale.

I just stood there, petrified, waiting for the numbers to stop spinning.

She grinned at him "Well! What does it say?"

He swallowed "...it says...131.2"

I couldn't believe what was happening. How did I lose so much weight so quickly?

Whatever was wrong with my mind was also starting to effect me physically. I didn't need to kill myself, my body was doing it for me...

I just barely heard the woman ask 'Hey, what's wrong with him?' before I looked back up "Hikaru...I wanna go home..."

"Kaoru..."

I could feel the tears coming "I said...I want to home!"

I glanced up and saw the confusion and hurt on Hikaru's face. I could never tell him what was happening because I didn't want him to worry. I didn't want him to constantly have to worry about losing his brother. I knew it pained him that I was keeping secrets from him, but I knew it would only hurt him more if he knew the truth...

I needed help. But who do I turn to?

I couldn't look at him right now. I couldn't bare to see those eyes again. The same confused, pain filled eyes that always stared back at me in the mirror, pleading me; begging me.

Please...just take me home, Hikaru."

* * *

**-Sunday (Hitachiin Mansion)-**

**-Kaoru's POV-**

As soon as we came back home yesterday I went straight to bed.

Yesterday was horrible...I was crying for no reason, I found out I was underweight, and I now have a bad habit of holding onto my wrist...

It's morning now and I'm lying onin bed on my side, staring at the wall, still considering just blurting out my suicidal intentions to my brother so we can work this out together, but what if I have to go to a mental hospital and go through electro shock therapy or something? I read that they send electricity through your head to induce a seizure thats SUPPOSE to cure you! Sometimes it doesn't work out and they end up turning you into a vegetable!

I even read about a thing called a lobotomy, where they actually cut off part of your brain to stop the bad thoughts...

...then again I think I also read that they stopped doing that a few years ago...but they still give you those Happy Pills that sometimes even make things worse!

God I don't know what's scarier, the symptoms or the cures?!

I started massaging my face, trying to calm down. I'm worrying to much.

But what if it gets worse and I start turning into a schizophrenic? What if I become bipolar?

...am I already bipolar?

No, of course not...bipolar people are pretty much psychopaths...

Oh God! Am I becoming psychotic? Maybe I should be in a mental hospital.

I took a deep breath, I need to just stop worrying! I'm was becoming a hypochondriac for crying out loud!

I started thinking back to that dream I had at Senpai's again. No matter what I was doing at the moment, my mind always drifted back to that dream...

I rolled over in bed to look at Hikaru, but he wasn't there. I sat up in bed, about to go look for him but then I realized _what's the point_ and laid back down.

_Hikaru can be free now..._

I sat back up. I wish I could just forget that dream; forget everything! Everything I was hiding from; everything I was pretending wasn't happening.

I wish I could forget all of the tears, all of the nights I've stayed up, trying to talk myself out of dying.

The lyrics to a song started playing in my head. I got out of bed and walked over to the dresser. I opened one of the drawers and pulled out my iPod. I put in the earbuds and went through the songlist until I found it. My thumb lingered over the play button. I started walking in circles. Did I really want to hear this? I knew it would only make me feel worse but I sat down on the edge of Hikaru's side of the bed, took a deep breath, and despite my better judgement I pressed play and started thinking about my dream again.

(A/N: The song is called 'The Only Medicine' by Scary Kids Scaring Kids)

**_I'll wash it down_**  
**_Just to block out all the sound_**  
**_I never thought I'd be alone_**  
**_Well look at me now!_**

**_Sleepless nights_**  
**_Painful goodbyes_**  
**_Who the hell was I kidding?_**  
**_The room starts to spin,_**  
**_All alone and bleeding once again_**  
**_Can you help make this,_**  
**_Make this fucking end?_**

**_Oh my god there must be something_**  
**_Something to take the pain away_**  
**_And so there's nothing you can give me_**  
**_It's probably better off that way_**

**_Just forget_**  
**_All I ever wanted _**  
**_Was to forget_**  
**_Bloodshots eyes and a starless sky_**  
**_Who the hell are we kidding?_**

**_You look so content_**  
**_I guess the bright side _**  
**_Hasn't found me yet_**  
**_Pull me up so I_**  
**_Can catch my breath_**

**_I live my life in the shadows_**  
**_Of the things I've thrown away_**

I was shaking and gripping the edge of the bed by the time the song ended. I ripped out the earbuds and hurled my iPod at the wall. It cracked on impact and fell to the floor.

I looked into the mirror, seeing Hikaru cry again. His hair was a mess and there were dark circles under his lifeless eyes.

I wish the mirror would stop showing me this. I just want to see myself; to know that I actually exist. I looked back into his eyes again. They looked so dead inside, and if I told him the truth they would only grow worse.

I could feel tears cascading down my cheeks as I wondered what my reflection would look like if I had one.

I just kept watching Hikaru in the mirror, I had to tell him; I NEEDED to tell him.

_But what if my delusions were right?_

What if I tell him and he starts to HELP me condemn his own life? I can't handle that kind of guilt...

But...what if I go through with this and he follows me?

What if he kills himself because of me?

I wiped my face with my hands and walked over to my iPod. I picked it up and tried to turn it on. I gave up and tossed it onto the bed behind me before leaving the room to look for Hikaru. I needed someone to talk to; someone to keep away the bad thoughts, if only for a moment.

I knew I couldn't run from my mind forever. But if I could distract my self from it just a little longer...

I wandered through the hallways, still fighting back tears, when I heard giggling coming from one of the guest bedrooms. I walked up to the door and wiped my eyes one last time, praying they weren't red, before slowly opening the door.

I saw Hikaru laying on the bed fully dressed, reading a Manga. He turned the page and started giggling again.

"What are you-" my voice cracked, I cleared my throat and tried again "What are you reading?"

He looked up and smiled "Junjou Romantica."

"...Junjou Romantica? You read boys love manga?"

"Nope, just started. I remembered what Kyoya said yesterday about boosting our sales, so I went out and bought some BL manga to get some ideas."

"Why we're you giggling?"

"Because these couples are just too weird! Like for instance how Misaki and Akihiko's relationship started with Misaki pretty much being raped by him. Then there's Miyagi and Shinobu, a forbidden gay student-teacher relationship-"

"-then theirs us, remember?" I interjected.

"Right...then there's us. Hey, Kaoru I actually did think of a way to boost our sales but it's a little...extreme..."

I raised an eyebrow "Extreme? Even for you?"

He was not amused "Ha ha. Very funny." he said dryly.

He put the book down as I sat down on the bed next to him "So what's this big idea of yours?"

"A truth or dare game during Host Club tomorrow."

"What's so scary about that?"

His face started to flush "You know what those fangirls want from us."

I thought for a second before I realized what he was getting at. They were going to want us to kiss!

"That's a little too far isn't it?"

"I mean it's just a stage kiss, a little peck!"

"I don't think I'm comfortable with that..."

"But your comfortable with flirting with me in public on a daily basis?"

"...just a peck?"

"Just a peck, and only if they ask."

"Ok...but shouldn't we practice so it won't look like we've never done it before?"

"...I didn't think of that..."

"What? Are you scared?" I smirked.

"No I'm not scared!" he glared at me, but his cheeks were still red.

I moved closer "Well?"

His face grew even redder "Well what?"

"Are you going to kiss me or not?"

He closed his eyes and puckered his lips, I was about an inch away before he started laughing and pulled away "I can't do this! I got the giggles!"

I laughed with him "I can't either!"

He started trying to shake out the giggles before sitting up straighter "Ok Ok, one more time. Ready?"

"I cant stop laughing...Wait! Ok on the count of three!" I snickered.

He gave another tiny giggle before slowly moving forward again "One, two... I still can't do this!"

"Stop laughing! Your making me laugh!"

"I can't help it! It's just too weird! Y'know what nevermind let's just forget it and do a Karaoke theme instead tomorrow."

"Alright, fair enough."

Hikaru got up and started walking towards the door.

I cocked my head "Where are you going?"

"Oh that's right! I forgot to tell you. I was lonely here by myself when you were at Hunny-Senpai's house so I went to uh...crap what was the name of that- OH Starbucks! I went to Starbucks, so I'm sitting there drinking my commoners coffee when this girl comes up and asks me about my headphones. We started talking and now I'm picking her up for a date today."

"And you just conveniently forget to tell me all this?"

"Kaoru, you know I don't think about girls. They're easy, just like the fangirls. I'm just...'entertaining' her that's all. She'll be gone by tomorrow."

"So your just going to leave me here all night?"

"Kaoru, I'm not gonna _DO_ her! I'll be back by 7:00, promise."

"Ok. What time are you leaving?"

"About 3:45, why?"

I looked at the clock "It's 3:56 right now..."

"What?! Crap! See ya Kao!" and with that he raced out the door, leaving me to fall victim to my thoughts again. For 3 hours...

i just sat there, staring at the doorway, halfheartedly hoping he would come back...

Thats when it happened. I had an incredibly stupid Idea. I was going to write down my feelings and the things that make me happy. Maybe things will go back to normal if I become happier?

It was a very stupid idea, but it was worth a shot anyway.

I went back to my room and pulled my cellphone from the charger. I decided to write in the 'Notes' section of my phone instead of actual paper. I'd seen too many Animes where they would write in a Journal or a Diary or something else that was hard to hide or get rid of. I wasn't that stupid.

I fell back onto my bed, staring at the blank screen, deciding what to write. Well anything I guess.

_**Hello, my name is Kaoru Hitachiin and I am a happy person.**_

The childishness of the sentence I had written put a small smile on my face, but I still wasn't happy...

_**Hello, My name is Kaoru Hitachiin. The above sentence was a lie. I'm not happy. I've never been happy. I never will be happy. My purpose in life has been to keep my brother from living a happy fulfilling life. I don't even exist in this world. I'm just a makeshift copy of my brother and only mirrors have been able to show the truth.**_

I closed my phone and started to stare at my ceiling. What am I doing? All I've done is made myself feel worse. I rolled my head to look at my phone and started typing again.

**_Things Kaoru's like:_**

**_Pancakes!_**

**_Watching fat people fall down_**

**_The country of Spain_**

**_Italian food_**

**_Music? _**

**_Hosting_**

**_Haruhi 3_**

**_Hikaru :3_**

**_"Everyone else"_**

**_Pranking_**

**_Spicy things_**

**_Designing clothes_**

**_The coffee Haruhi makes me_**

**_Flower arranging_**

**_Tono' happy-go-lucky attitude_**

**_Stepping on autumn leaves_**

**_Summer breezes_**

**_Snowball fights_**

**_Cherry blossoms_**

**_Ifkdov&v7j h8 &v$( jfi(8:_**

I got mad and started pressing random keys. This was so stupid! I like all these things but they dont make me feel any better! I dropped the phone on the bed and started rubbing my face with my hands again, thinking.

Maybe I'll just take this day by day. I'll look for one thing that made the day worth living and write it in my phone. That way there's always something to look forward to.

I picked it back up "What was good about today?"

I thought about it for a long time before finally moving my thumbs across the keys again and smiling.

**_Things that made life worth living:_**

**_-Playing with Hikaru_**

* * *

**(A/N) And thats the end of chapter 12. This was Kaoru's attempt at ignoring his mind, but for how long can he keep this up...**

**Kinda feels like I rambled a bit with this chapter, though.**


	13. Chapter 13

**(A/N) K Im back! I wrote this chapter 5 times! In 3 different point of views, trying to find the best way to tell this part of the story. I'll think you'll all be pleased with this one :)**

**-Review Corner-**

_KuroPhoenix **I know...so sad and adorable :(**_

_sadhunnybunny36 **Im glad everything is ok now :)**_

_As White As Snow **Thanks! I was trying to go for that effect movies use, enhancing the scene with background music. But also I wanted to portray the powerful effects music can have, enhancing the emotions sealed inside the subconcious. Music can make things better or exponentially worse. Oh and really good song by the way, thanks for sharing that :)**_

_Misato92 **It makes me happy to hear from you guys, of course I have to answer back! :) Im so excited to hear Im keeping everyone in character! Especially Kyoya ;)**_

_Adorable Reader **I liked that part too (Dora the Explorer moment, LoL) but really, writing that part made me all warm and fuzzy inside :3 Oh and I know the feeling, nobody knows Im here either, my family thinks I blog all the time, rofl.**_

_OmNomNom **The power of hugs WILL prevail! I actually read somewhere that Bisco Hatori mad Hikaru straight and Kaoru somewhat bisexual (specifically in the second manga, Kaoru's profile called him a "handsome Homosexual" but him and his brother had a crush on Haruhi at one point). To what extent is he bi? No idea, but personally I just think being the Uke all the time was starting to affect him, lol**_

_bleachfangirl7 **Thank youz! Oh and I was watching Bleach just last night...felt like sharing (^_^")**_

**And the story goes on...**

* * *

***Chapter 13***

***Memories That Can't Be Forgotten***

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I'm a moron.

While Hikaru was on his date I had actually taken the time to throw hand towels over all the knife holders in our kitchen.

Out of site out of mind...right?

I thought about messing with our Butler John or one of the other servants before I remembered they don't work on Sundays.

I'm all alone...

I came down here in the first place because I hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday. But the more I looked at those towels...

I shook my head and decided to go back upstairs and play Xbox or something.

I was use to feeling lonely, but this time it just...it felt like the world had moved on without me...

_Even if I'm gone they'll move on, just like this..._

By the time I made it to my room I didn't even feel like playing anymore, but I turned on the system anyway.

I pulled out my phone and added "Video Games" to the list before walking over to the bookcase to pick out a game.

I ran my finger over the massive collection, reading the titles out loud "Modern Warfare 3, Skyrim, when did Hikaru get Dishonored?, Halo, Saints Row the third, Haha Hikaru sucks at Marvel vs Capom, hey I remember Naruto!"

I pulled Naruto: Ninja Storm 2 off the shelf, remembering how Hikaru and I use to play this for hours. I chuckled to myself when I remembered how we bawled our eyes out at the end of Jiraiya's story mode.

I looked back at the shelf. There were so many memories wrapped in each of these games. So many memories of us, just in this tiny space alone. I remembered whenever we use to feel lonely, we would sit in front of this bookshelf and reminisce, pulling out each game, laughing, sometimes even crying. We swore to each other that even if no one else was there for us, we would always be there for each other.

_Hikaru..._

I put the game back on the shelf and made up my mind.

I was going to tell Hikaru the truth.

* * *

**-Later that night-**

I glanced back at the clock.

7:13

It wasn't like I actually expected Hikaru to be back at EXACTLY 7:00, but each passing second was bringing me closer and closer to hurting Hikaru more than I ever have in my life.

_I keep finding new ways to steal his happiness away..._

I was sitting on the couch in the Family Room, pinching my arm in an attempt to make the bad thoughts go away, pinching even harder whenever I tried to talk myself out of what I was going to do.

I'm started bouncing my leg when I could have sworn I heard a voice...

Great...I AM a schizophrenic...

The voice got louder, but I still couldn't make out what it was saying. I wasn't trying to. I just bounced my leg even faster "I'm not hearing this...I'm not hearing this...I'm not-"

**"I SAID OPEN THE DOOR KAORU!"**

I flew off the couch and ran to the door. I grabbed the doorknob and was just about to turn it when I froze there.

_Do I really want to do this?_

Hesitantly, I turned the knob and opened the door.

I took a step back to let him in "Um...why are you wet?"

He walked inside and started wringing out his shirt, dripping water all over the floor. He gave me the 'are you serious' face before I realized it was raining outside.

I closed the door back and locked it "Sorry...so uh, how was your date?"

He had a slight smile on his face "It...actually went better than expected. Her name's Sakura."

"Sakura Haruno? Does she have a big forehead?"

"Ha that's funny!"

"Really?"

"No." he deadpanned.

I noticed a white box at his feet "What's that?"

He picked it up and smirked at me "Come to the Kitchen and I'll show you!"

As we walked to the kitchen I wondered how I was going to tell Hikaru what was happening...maybe I should just forget the whole thin- OUCH!

I pinched my arm again.

When we got the kitchen Hikaru was the first to walk in. He stopped and looked around "Why are there towels everywhere?"

He walked up to one, box still in hand, and used it to dry of his hair "Well?" he turned back to me.

I just shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table "So...what's in the box?"

With the towel still on his head he took a seat across from me and slid me the box "Just something I found on the way home."

He looked a little nervous. I looked at the box. Now that I had a clear view of it I noticed a drawing on the front. It was an anime face, he looked irritated, and he also had my exact same hairstyle.

I narrowed my eyes and held up the box for him to see "Is this suppose to be me?"

He nearly fell out of the chair laughing "Your making the exact same face!"

I stuck my tounge out at him and sat the box back down. I wonder what it could be? It wasn't very heavy...

I stared at it.

Hikaru was still laughing "Well? Aren't you going to open it?"

I just kept staring "Nope."

He stopped laughing "Wha-? Why not?"

"Nope."

"Open the box Kaoru."

"Nah...I don't think so." I teased.

"Open the damn box Kaoru."

I smirked "Suddenly that face isn't so funny anymore is it?"

He smiled and rolled his eyes "Just open the box."

I laughed and opened the lid. I almost cried at what I saw.

Inside...was a Teddy Bear.

It was fluffy and white, with a red tie.

I looked up at Hikaru "You...actually got me a Teddy Bear?"

He started rubbing the back of his neck with his hand "Well yeah. You wanted one and I felt bad for not winning you one yesterday. I know it's not that special anymore since I had to buy it, but I hope you still like it."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't even want one in the first place, and yet Hikaru went through all the trouble to get me one anyway...

He cares about me so much...

I could feel my smile slipping away "Hikaru..."

He looked nervous "What's wrong? You don't like it?"

I pulled out the bear and gave it a tiny, sorrowful squeeze "I need to tell you something..."

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

The way he was holding that bear, I could tell he was scared of something.

"What is it Kaoru?"

His eyes never left the bear "I...lately..."

He stopped and I could feel my insides twisting up, he looked so scared, what was he going to tell me?

I slowly reached out and removed the bear from his hands. I set it on the table and took his hands into my own, tracing tiny circles on the backs of his hands, trying to calm him down "Its ok Kaoru."

I looked straight into his eyes but he never returned my gaze.

He took a deep breath "...I've been...having nightmares..."

He looked up at me and I gave his hands a reassuring squeeze, waiting for him to continue.

His hands started to tremble slightly "I've been having nightmares...about killing myself..."

His hands were still shaking but he kept looking at me; staring at me, waiting for a response.

I willed myself to keep a straight face. I was frightened by what he had told me but this was a delicate situation. I knew I had to say something; anything! But what? What do I say? I can't just ask him if he was going to do it. He was so scared, he probably didn't even know himself...

I slowly drew a breath I didn't know I was holding "Have you told anyone else?"

He looked back at our hands, slowly shaking his head.

I carefully studied his eyes "Is there anymore you want to tell me?"

I saw little tears starting to form in his eyes as he held my hands tighter "I'm...I'm s-scared it will actually happen."

I got up from the table and walked around to him, my hands never leaving his. When I was close enough he let go and wrapped his arms around me. I just held him in my arms, letting him cry "I'm not going to let that happen, Kaoru."

My brother needed me and I had no idea what to do.

But I knew one thing.

If holding him like this was enough to make him feel safe again, I would stay here...just like this.

For as long as he needed me to.

* * *

**(A/N) And now Hikaru knows the truth, but how can he save the life of the only brother he's ever known; the entire other half of his own life?**

**Also I know they said they were going to do a karaoke night tomorrow but I think the songs are annoying you guys...should I do it anyway?**


	14. Chapter 14

**(A/N) Im BACK! WOOT^^**

**I wrote this chapter on my new tablet earlier but I couldnt upload it because I didnt know how to copy and past from my tablet (only on this site though, it worked just fine on any other website...)**

**-Review Corner-**

***_They were mostly have a great vacation*_**

**So yeah, sorry for being lazy...**

**Anyways, on with the story!**

* * *

***Chapter 14***

***Your Not The Only One With Trouble Sleeping***

**-Kaoru's POV (Hitachiin Mansion)-**

Have you ever noticed how much people trust one another?

I was in the kitchen making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, watching in amusement as Hikaru tried his hardest to cook bacon on the stove. His back was turned to me and as I put down the butter knife I used to make the sandwich I took a bite and started to think.

Have you ever noticed how much trust people have in you not to attack them? When we were little and our mother use to cook for us we would stand in the kitchen in amazement watching her, we couldn't wait until we were old enough to try ourselves. But when you really think about it...other than love, what could have stopped her from simply lifting up the knife and running us through with it? What could've stopped us from doing the same to her?

_What can stop me from doing the same to Hikaru right now..._

I reached over to the knife holder that was on the counter next to me. I tentatively wrapped my fingers around one of the blades and pulled it out, turning towards Hikaru.

His back was still turned.

_He trusts me so much..._

I took a few steps towards him, watching him cuss and flinch at the oil popping out of the pan.

_He trusts me so much not to kill him..._

When I felt I was close enough, I lifted the knife into the air...

"Hey Hikaru."

He turned around "Yeah?"

"Your doing it wrong, you cant keep flipping it like that or it'll never cook. Oh and can you throw this in the sink for me?"

He let out a big sigh and took the knife over to the sink as I took over cooking the bacon. I was never really going to stab him, I was just proving a point.

How easy it is for you to be killed by someone you love.

How easy it is for you to kill them.

_How...just as easily you could do it to yourself..._

Suddenly I felt Hikaru's arms wrap around me from behind and his cheek press against mine "Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"I think it starting to burn..."

"What?...crap..."

He reached around me and grabbed the pan, at once feeling how hot it was before comically running across the kitchen and practically hurling it into the sink.

_Right next to the knife..._

He started running cold water over his hand "Why didn't you tell me it was hot?" he whined.

I just laughed "Because I didn't think you were stupid enough to grab it."

_It's better than what could have happened...  
_  
He wrapped a rag around his hand letting out another sigh "I think it's time we got ready for school."

"Yeah, Haruhi would go into shock if she saw how much food were wasting."

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV (20 minutes before Host Club starts)-**

"Where is everyone?" Kaoru asks.

I looked around the room. Me, Kaoru, Tono, and Kyoya were the only ones here. Haruhi was always late but Honey and Mori were usually the first ones in.

"Hi Everybody!"

I looked up at the door "Haruhi?"

Her hair was combed, her contacts were back in, her uniform was perfectly pressed, and her smile was bigger than ever.

I always did love that smile...

I watched Tono walk up to her "Are you feeling better?"

No sooner had she nodded her head before Tono started swinging her around, smiling like an idiot, and she just let him.

I waited until she looked in my direction before asking "Did you happen to see Hunny-senpai or Mori-senpai on your way up?"

She looked around the room "No, they aren't here?"

Tono let go of Haruhi and peeked his head out of the door, looking down the hallway "I see them coming now."

He walked back in and grabbed more Tea cups for the tables as Hunny came strolling in, pulling a VERY tired looking Mori.

Hunny let go of his hand and looked up at him "Ok, we're here!"

His eyes were closed and he looked like he could barely stand "Thanks Mitsukuni."

"Damn! What happened to you?!"

"What did I tell you about language, Kaoru?!"

"Sorry Boss."

Hunny frowned slightly and walked Mori over to the couch "Remember when I said he was busy this weekend? Well...he hasn't slept since Thursday night."

Tono and Kyoya shot each other sideways glances as Kaoru and I began backing away slowly.

We all knew how Hunny could be when he didnt get enough sleep, but no one knew about Mori. Better safe than sorry...

This action did not go unnoticed by Haruhi who unknowingly sat down on one of the couches within the 'danger zone'. "What's going on?"

Once my twin and i were safely in our "fallout shelter" behind our couch I cautiously peeked around the side, choosing my words carefully "Good afternoon Mori-Senpai, how are you feeling today, hehe heh?"

* * *

**-Haruhi's POV-**

Mori gave another yawn and attempted to stand up straighter "Im fine, just wondering what the cooks are making for dinner tonight, I hope its Sashimi. I know I can always just TELL them to make Sashimi but I dont like ordering them around since they are technically under my parents employment, not mine."

At that moment I cupped both hands over my mouth, the twin let out a scream, Kyoya-senpai began feverishly writing in his black notebook and Tamaki dropped every last teacup in his hand.

I knew a lack of sleep could do strange things to your mind but never did I think it had the power to make Mori-Senpai...TALK!

Mori just looked down at the broken shards that I knew I would have to clean up "You should be more careful. Haruhi

can you get a dustpan please?"

That caught me off guard. I mean I had already know I would be asked to clean it up but, it felt so surreal being asked by Mori. I looked each from one club member to the next, trying to get a gauge on the situation before me "Uh...ok..."

I started to walk towards the corner of the room were we keep the dustpan and broom just as Kaoru let out another scream "ROBOT! HE'S A ROBOT!"

I quickly turned back around in time to see Hikaru jump up from his hiding place, hands over his head "THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!"

"Quick we have to reprogram him before its too late!"

There they go overeacting...again...

I turned back to what I was doing. Seriously, a robot? I reached the corner but could only find a dustpan. Thinking it may have been moved to the back room I turned around and headed towards the door, back past the twins running around like idiots with their hands on their heads as Tamaki hopped onto the nearest chair and gestured for everyone's attention "Gentleman calm down, im sure there is a perfectly logical explanation for Mori-Senpai's...um...strange behavior. You dont honestly believe he's a robot do you?

It was kind of refreshing to see Tamaki having the most common sense in the group, even Kyoya looked a little disconsorted, being faced with someyhing so unpredictable.

Before I reached the door to the back room I noticed the broom laying on the floor by a table next to Mori-Senpai. I walked towards the table and switched the dustpan from my right hand to my left as I reached down to pick up the broom

Mori had apparently either moved from his spot or didnt see me because as I came back up we rammed straight into each other. It felt like running into a wall! Why did he have to be so much bigger than I was?

The dustpan flew out of my hand as I was knocked to the ground, I was just barely able to hold on to the broom!

He gave another yawn before helping me back to my feet "Sorry, but a little thing like you should also watch where she's going."

I held a hand to my head as I reached back down to pick up the dustpan "Ngh, Your right, sorry Senpai."

Mori gave a soft smile as he reached for the dustpan "Dont apologize. I was trying to tell you your cute."

...did he just...

Tamaki volted from his chair to join the twins "RENCH! WE HAVE TO FIND A RENCH!"

"Theres one in the back room! I think I can make it!"

"Dont be a hero Kaoru! Mori-Senpai is out there! You'll never make it!"

"I have to Hikaru! Theres no other choice!"

"NO! There's always another choice!"

"FOR GLORY!"

"KAORU! NOOOOO!"

At that moment Mori peeked his head over the back of the couch "Kaoru?"

"ARRRGGHHH! I mean, er yes Mori-Senpai?"

"Can I speak with you in private?"

* * *

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I gulpped "Sure, Senpai."

This cant be good...

I followed him away from the couch, just bearly hearing Tono whisper something along the lines of 'He's a goner'. We walked into the back room, past the cupboards of candies and pastries, past the sink we used to clean the teacups, all the way to the closet where we stored the extra silk tableclothes. Whatever he was going to say, it had to be pretty serious if we had to walk halfway to Narnia before he could tell me...

Mori proceeded to sit crosslegged on the floor "Have a seat."

Not good at all...

I sat down, leaning my back against the closet door, legs outstretched "What's up?"

He just sat there, watching me. I felt as if he was staring into my very soul. I wonder what he would see if he could. Final he said "Is there somethething you want to talk about?"

_Yes._

"Not particularly, Senpai...why? Is something wrong?"

_Everything is wrong..._

He knitted his eyebrows "Whats wrong with your wrist?"

Fuck I was doing it again! "Hm? Nothing, see?" I held up my arm and rotated my wrist, then just to be an asshole I did a little 'cabbage patch' dance.

He squinted his eyes "Are you getting enough sleep?"

_Please..._

"Probably not as much as I should, but I mean look at you! You've said more today than in the entire year and a half I've known you! Your freaking delerious! Why dont you go take a nap?"

_Please dont go..._

Mori gave another rather loud yawn "Maybe your right...but just for an hour ok?"

_Please...help me..._

I picked myself off of the floor and helped Mori to his feet "You really should take better care of yourself."

_Please, SAVE me..._

Mori let out a sigh and looked upwards, eyes transfixed at some point on the ceiling "Kaoru. Just be careful. Somethings happening to you and if you refuse to let me help you there's no point in me pressing any farthur. At this point I can only trust your making the right decisions. Just...be _careful_, ok?"

And with that he turned and left me.

_Alone._

Maybe if he knew, he wouldnt have left...

_Why cant you just KNOW whats happening?_

I took a step foward, intent on leaving myself but my body refused to move any farthur than that one step.

I tried to move but I just couldn't.

I was so angry with myself.

Why couldnt I just TELL him!?

I reached into my pocket and slid back down the wall to the floor again. I pulled the object out and stared at it, lost in thought.

It was my knife.

Why couldnt I tell Mori what was wrong with me?

_Because there's nothing wrong with me, I AM what's wrong. _

Why wont these thoughts go away?

I opened the blade, staring longingly at the tip.

I know I have to die, but...

...how do I keep Hikaru from following?

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I was pressed against the door to the backroom, a teacup held to my ear as I tried to hear what was going on on the otherside.

What the heck were they talking about!?

I pressed myself closer to the door.

Was Kaoru going to tell Senpai what he told me?

Should I have told him myself?

Out of respect for Kaoru Ive kept what he told me a secret, but was that the right decision? I kept replaying in my head what Tono said last week:

_"Kaoru is family and it's our duty to cheer him up and make sure he's ok!"_

Tono's right. Host Club is family.

But...

Even though they're just as worried as I am, if Kaoru hasn't told them himself then what place do I have to tell everyone his business? Its pretty obvious he doesnt want

anyone else to know.

But then again...

...maybe he doesnt know _how_ to tell them...

"Evesdropping is rude you know."

I flinched and nearly dropped my teacup as I quickly spun around to face a smirking Kyoya "Evesdropping? Who was evesdropping? I was just...inspecting the hinges on all of the music room doors! I thought I heard this one squeaking earlier! Hey...whats that?" I was refering to the disk in his hand. It couldn't have been the home movie disk from Friday.

Then again, knowing Kyoya it was probably much worst...

The light from the windows was reflecting off his glasses in such a way that it made me feel uneasy, he looked like an anime villan...

"This," he smirked, "is a special promotional item for our customers. Here," he handed me the disk, "you and your brother recieve a free copy each, considering you are the _stars_ of the disk."

Kaoru and I were the...stars?

I didn't particularly like the look in his eyes as he said that "Kyoya-senpai...whats on this disk!?"

I watched as he adjusted his glasses "Nothing really, just the security tape from the day you and Kaoru where at Starlight. Interesting performance by the way..."

"YOU RECORDED US!?"

"Of course not. I simply downloaded the tape. Its not my fault you two just 'happened' to be on it. And besides," he took a step closer and smiled, "i told you id find a way to boost your sales."

And with that, he turned around and walked away, leaving me holding the disk and a teacup wondering just how many more hidden cameras there were. I wonder how Kaoru would react to this.

Kaoru...

I gave one final look at the door to the back room, just barely hearing the aubible click of the clubs double doors and Tono's signature 'Hello princesses and welcome to the Host Club.'

"Please be ok."

* * *

**(A/N) If this chapter didn't flow right then i deeply apologize, im about 2 months out of practice heheh (^_^") **

**Anyways Happy Christmas and Merry New Year!^^**


	15. Chapter 15

**(A/N) Can you believe I've only just know discovered the wonders of Pandora Radio? I know crazy, right! Lol**

**I spent all day on this chapter, not _exactly _happy with it...like I said before I severely out of practice (^_^")**

**But hey, that just means that If you like it, it can only get better from this point on! WOOT!**

**-Review Corner-**

_Misato92 **Update complete! Lol**_

_Kurophoenix **Frustrating isn't it? But how can someone help him when he himself doesn't even know whats happening to him?**_

_fish-hugger **BAM! Update!**_

_As White As Snow **Im specialz :3 I cant believe after...2 months!? (oh god) your still enjoying this story! Im so happy I could puke rainbows right now! :D Also that was the greatest analogy I've ever read! I missed hearing from you :) (PS Your having a copy-paste problem too? o.0)**_

_Death the Girl **Yay a new reader! Thanks so much!**_ **_You actually came at the perfect time, I just got off off a 2 month Hiatus! (EW! Lol)_**

**On With The Story!**

* * *

***Chapter 15***

***The Reality of Fiction***

**-Kaoru's POV (Ouran Academy Hallway, Lunchtime)-**

I was walking down the hallway with my hands in my pockets, headed towards cafeteria 2. I didnt even bother to bring my bookbag with me, I really didnt feel like carrying anything. I didnt even feel like eating...

_Whats the point? _

I was only going to lunch because I wanted to talk to Haruhi. I dont even know what I was going to talk to her about! It was so spur of the moment, I just really felt like I needed to her...

Hikaru and the others were already there. Well, I would assume they were already there considering I was taking my sweet ass time walking there myself.

Again, why am I doing this? Im not even hungry.

Oh! Right, Haruhi...

I stopped walking, pulled my hands out of my pockets and started rubbing my face.

What the Hell is wrong with me? My mind and thoughts feel like ribbons floating in the wind, waiting to be caught and finally made into something coherent and solid.

Is this what ADD feels like?

I rubbed my eyes "Focus Kaoru."

When I finally looked back up, the hallway was deserted.

I looked behind me.

No one there either...

I dont think I've ever been in the hallway long enough to see it empty. Even when i'm late to class, there were always a couple of straglers here and there, but now...

_Alone_.

Not good...

I started walking again, a little faster this time, not exactly sure what I was afraid of.

I reached into my blazer pocket for my iPod...which...I left in my bag...

I stopped again.

I should turn back around, I mean I seriously really don't feel like talking to Hikaru.

Wait...I was going to see Haruhi, not Hikaru.

_Hikaru..._

Argh! This was starting to piss me off! Why can't I think straight anymore?!

Screw this, I'm headed back to the classroom!

I turned rather quickly and before I knew what was happening I collided with something.

Or rather someone...

Crap.

"Im sorry Miss! I didnt, wait...Haruhi?"

"Ow, not again...Kaoru? I thought you were in the cafeteria?"

"Uh...actually, I was looking for you."

"Really? I was in the classroom this whole time."

"Really!?"

"What do you mean 'Really'? You walked straight past me to leave the room!"

"I did!?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose "Focus Kaoru."

_Focus..._

She just continued to stare at me with the strangest expression, as if she was waiting for an answer.

"What?" I blinked.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Are you going to answer me?"

Shit, she did ask something, but what was it?

She let out a sigh "Have you seen your brother or not?"

My brother?

"I think he's in the cafeteria, why?"

She pulled a small gift wrapped box from her left blazer pocket and handed it to me. It was blue with a pink bow on top. Thats odd, it was nowhere near christmas or even our birthday for that matter.

"Sensei said someone stopped her this morning and gave it to her to give to Hikaru, she then gave it to me a few minutes ago, and now im giving it to you. I'd go look for him myself, but you didn't seem too confident he's in the cafeteria, plus I have a lot of homework I need to get a jump start on. I have to go grocery shopping after school today, anyway just make sure that gets to him ok?"

I looked back down at the box, trying to guess what it was. There wasn't even a name on the box.

"Are you sure its even for him, " I looked up from the box, "We look exactly alik-"

She was...gone...

I turned around and started walking again, present in hand. How did I get stuck with this? I mean she said sensei told _her_ to deliver it not me.

I was headed towards the starcase that lead to Cafeteria 2 when I saw Hikaru coming around the corner.

_Probably looking for me._

For some strange reason I still didn't feel like talking to him so I pretended not to notice him as he came straight towards me.

When I tried to walk past him we bumped shoulders. He turned around and gave me a look remenicent of Hunny's attack servants "Watch where your going!" He sneered.

What...the Hell? And I thought I was irritated...

"What's wrong, Hikaru?"

"Your whats wrong! Stop getting in my way!"

Now I was furious. He tried to turned and leave but I grabbed his shoulder, determined to find out what the fuck was going on. He's never acted this way towards me. Even when we were fighting and dyed our hair in a desperate attempt to seperate ourselves, he's never been so...cold.

He spun back around and knocked my hand away "So now your going to hold me back by force? Is that it?"

_Holding him back..._

I regained my composure "Im just trying to find out what happened, Hikaru."

"I told you, YOUR what happened! Always there! Always with me, distracting me, God I feel like i'm trapped in a freaking circle with you!"

_There was a swirl for each of us, trapped inside of that circle; trapped in our little world..._

_As long as I'm here Hikaru will always be trapped inside that circle..._

Tears were flowing down his face and I could feel them on mine as well "Just get away from me Kaoru! Haven't you had enough!? You've already taken over most of my life!" His yellow eyes were aglow with sadness and anger.

_And regret..._

The same eyes that pleaded with me in the mirror, day after day after day.

Those same eyes...

... were real this time.

I slowly reached for him.

This couldn't be real!

This just can't be real!

_Please..._

"Hikaru..."

"You just cant stop yourself can you?!" He turned and walked off again.

_Don't go..._

"...Hikaru..."

_Please..._

I have to stop him!

"Wait! Haruhi...gave me this...for you..."

I dont even know why I mentioned that stupid box, I was just so desperate to stop him...

He turned to me with piercing eyes as I tightened my hold on the box.

"So your not going to give it to me?"

_Why are you doing this..._

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting tears cascade down my cheeks as I loosened my hold on the box, enough to feel it slip from my hand to the floor. When I opened them again Hikaru took a few steps forward and bent down, eyes never ceasing to cut straight through my heart.

He picked up the box carefully, delicately. It hurt me more to know he cared more about something from Haruhi than about me.

_But why should he care about something that doesn't exist? That should never exist..._

He stood back up and opened the box, dropping scraps of wrapping paper at his feet. My heart skipped a beat as he opened the box and smiled.

He looked up and smiled at me as he reached for whatever was inside "Its just what I've always wanted! Look, Kaoru!"

I was confused, but at least he wasn't angry with me anymore. I wiped my eyes and took a step forward. I watch him pull something shiny from the box. Before I even knew what it was, he held the object in the air...

And hit me with it!

I quickly brought both hands to my neck. There was a tremendously sharp pain coming from my throat! It felt wet.

I couldn't breath!

_It hurt so much..._

I didn't know what was happening!

I fell to my knees as the pain intensified. There was red liquid pooling in front of me, running down my arms...

I looked back up at Hikaru, my vision blurring fast. He was still smiling at me, the box in one hand...

A knife in the other...

He didn't hit me...

He sliced my throat!

I fell forward, eyes screwed shut from the pain, the impact of the fall rammimg my hands into my throat. My blood felt so warm while the rest of me felt cold...

I could feel myself fading off.

How...did this happen?

_Does it matter? Soon I won't remember any of it..._

_Soon...no one else will even care..._

Just before I blacked out, I could hear the smile in Hikaru's voice as he said "Just what I've always wanted: the other half of my life back..."

* * *

Suddenly...the pain stopped...

I continued to lay there, feeling the cold tile against my cheek.

Not because I couldn't move.

Not because it hurt to move.

Not because I was scared to move.

No.

I stayed there because I was disappointed...

_Just another dream._

It would have been perfect. If Hikaru was the one to kill me, I wouldn't have to worry about him following.

I froze. Did I really just...?

I quickly sat up, what the Hell is wrong with me!? Did I really just think that!?

This was getting out of hand!

I looked around from my spot on the floor. I was still in the back room.

I held my face in my hand "I fell asleep back here?"

"Yep."

I flinch and looked around again "Hikaru!? What are you doing back here?"

He was sitting on the sink counter, a grin on his face "You know I can't leave you alone. I made a promise, remember?"

_"Just get away from me Kaoru!"_

I slowly got to my feel, stretching my arms above my head "Dont you ever get tired of always being around me?"

He looked confused "What? Your a big part of my life Kaoru, how could I ever get tired of you?"

_"Haven't you had enough!? You've already taken over most of my life!?"_

I stopped stretching "Because I'm too big a part, Hikaru. A little time away from me will do you some good, you cou-"

He cut me off "Kaoru, what happened? Why are you saying this all of a sudden?"

_"I told you, YOUR what happened!"_

I was becoming increasingly irritated "Don't pretend like you don't know whats going on!"

_"Always there! Always with me!"_

"Kaoru, please..."

_"Distracting me!"_

"Together forever, IS THAT IT?! Seperate from the rest of the world? 'Us' and 'them'?! Locked in our on little world?"

His confused expression softened into a gentle smile as he stood up from the counter "Just like always." He took a few steps forward, wrapping his arms around me and tucking his head into my neck.

I just stood there, lost.

Trapped between dreams and reality.

_"God I feel like im trapped in a freaking circle with you!"_

Which hikaru was the real one?

As if he could sense my frustration he hugged me tighter "Its ok, Kaoru. Please...stop. Everything is fine, ok? Its gonna be alright."

_"You just can't stop yourself can you?!"_

When he finally let go of me he reached into his pocket "Oh and I'm keeping this. Y'know...just in case..."

He pulled out my switchblade and I nearly jumped out of my skin!

He quickly repocketed it and grabbed my shoulders "Kaoru! Your shaking! Kaoru whats wrong!? Talk to me! Please!"

_"Its just what I've always wanted! Look Kaoru!"_

He was going to kill me!

Suddenly, I felt myself relax.

This was what I wanted...

Wait! No it wasn't!

God I loosing my mind!

_Focus..._

I took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh before looking down at the pocket he held my knife in "Thank you, Hikaru."

He looked me in the eye a few seconds longer before finally letting me go "Are you sure your ok?"

I stooped down, hugging my legs to my chest, avoiding eye contact "No...i'm not ok."

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I remained standing.

Waiting.

Was he finally going to let me in?

He told me he was having nightmare, but...

I know him. He's not telling me the whole story...

Kaoru continued to look off in the other direction "Its getting harder and harder to tell whats real anymore..."

I sat down next to him and place a hand on his back. He still refused to look at me, but at least he was talking. I rubbed his back and waited for him to continue.

"I need help..." I could hear the tears in his voice.

What do I do?

What _can_ I do?

I know on Wednesday I'm suppose to tell Tono and the others what I've noticed but, how much of this can I actually tell them?

I heard him sniff "I just wanna go to sleep and forget everything..."

Why did it sound like he was trying to say something else?

It almost sounded as if he wanted to...

Die.

I could feel his body shaking underneath my hand from the tears. I couldn't stand to see him like this "Come on," I got to my feet, "theres a couch outside. Plus, our guests have been worried about you." I said, changing the subject. Even though I was terrified of where this was going, I only stopped him because I could feel it was causeing him too much pain to relive.

I helped him to his feet and held his hand, guided him to the door.

Just before I opened it I gave Kaoru one final look and was met with the saddest expression I had ever seen in my life. It didn't even look like Kaoru anymore.

I could see in his eyes that he was slowly giving up.

Slowly giving in.

And yet...

He was smiling.

_I have to save him_.

* * *

**(A/N) This was a very moody chapter, I didn't notice that until I was finished with it...**

**You've been given another symptom of Kaoru's "Condition", well if you can find it that is, its pretty obvious. Im still waiting for someone to piece together whats wrong with him :) **

**But because Im awesome I'll give you a hint:**

**It not just simply Depression^^**

**Bye guys! :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**(A/N) Wow I've spent WAY too long on this chapter...**

**-Review Corner-**

_SpitfireChick **Thanks so much! I love hearing stuff like that^^**_

_bleachfangirl7 **Honestly I have too, thats mainly where I found the inspiration for this story ;) (Actually it was as bad as Kaoru's. Secrets out, maybe thats why my story feel so realistic, Im over it now though so dont worry^^)**_

_Kurophoenix **WOOT!**_

_T.P.A **I would go into a blind panic if I had a suicidal split personality...holy shit. Yep, theres a lot he could have but I gave him something very specific, and yes its an actual medical condition so no im not cheating, lol.**_

_As White As Snow **I feel the same way about not knowing things, I must know ALL! Also I know exactly what you mean by those augmented reality games! Its like they exist between fiction and reality! Thats what makes them so cool :3 Oh and I liked the insanely long review^^**_

_(Guest) **Screen names people! lol Anyway I never thought of that kind of ending...the one I had was...pretty twisted...**_

_Death the Girl **Has my writing really gotten better? I re-read everything Ive written and I noticed the story slowly growing more dark...**_

_UniqueRosePetals12 **WOOT Im an Awesome Writer! YES! *fistpump* I worked really hard on that scene just for you guys :3**_

_FroeverTacos21 **Just wondering...is your pen name misspelled on purpose? Cuz thats really cool if it is :D The next chapter is finally here!**_

**On With The Story!**

* * *

***Chapter 16***

***Playing Aces***

**-Tuesday (Hitachiin Mansion) 6:47am-**

Lullabies.

My feelings...

My thoughts...

My mind...

Feel like one giant lullaby.

_Bringing me closer and closer to..._

I was still in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I wasn't even entirely sure I was awake right now.

I rolled my head to the left, Hikaru was already gone. That or I'm still asleep and he was never there to begin with.

I looked back up, slowly reaching my hand towards the ceiling, trying to touch reality, but all I could feel was the slight chill of the morning air.

I let my hand fall back to the sheets as a single tear slid down my face.

_I'm so pathetic..._

I didn't bother to wipe it away as I rolled and brought the covers closer to my face.

_I'm so stupid! I thought telling him would make things better, but I've only made him worry more!_

The angrier I became with myself, the more tears that fell.

Eventually I decided to sit up. I slowly pulled myself out of bed, wrapping myself in the Duvet before walking over to the dresser. I made it a point not to look in the mirror as I stuck my arm out of the quilt and pulled my cellphone from it's charger. I turned it back on and went to the notes section, scrolling:

Things that make life worth living:

-Playing with Hikaru

Remembering what happened yesterday with Mori-Senpai I decided to add:

-Over-reacting to situations

I smiled at that one. Hikaru and I do pretty stupid things.

I looked up at the mirror.

_At Hikaru..._

There were tear trails staining his face, his eyes lifeless, cold,

_Dead..._

And the worst part of it all was...

He was smiling!

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

Why I'm still allowed in this kitchen is beyond me.

Even so, today I had a plan!

I had snuck off to the nearest commoner resteraunt and bought breakfast there!

I had just finished stuffing anything with a logo on it in the farthest depths of the kitchen trashcan when I glanced at the clock.

7:07

I walked out of the kitchen and over to the base of the stairs "Kaoru!" I yelled, "Bring your ass down here! I didn't spend all this time slaving over a hot stove just to let you stay in bed all day wasting good food!"

I heard a loud crash and was about to run upstairs when I heard Kaoru yell "Sorry! On my way now!"

When he finally emerged at the top of the staircase I was astounded! He actually looked happy!

Honestly, I hadn't expected that.

When he reached the bottom of the staircase a threw an arm over his shoulder and ruffled his hair "Someone's in a good mood!"

"Someone finally got a good nights sleep!" He responded.

We started towards the kitchen "Good! Now come eat breakfast."

I walked him towards his plate on the table. He took one look at the bacon, eggs and Pancakes before turning back around and giving me an all knowing look "You didn't make this did you?" He smirked.

He knows!

"What gives you that idea?"

He walked over to the stove and touched each of the burner heads "Well for one, the stove isn't hot, there are no dishes in the sink, and there's a receipt on the floor for...IHOP!? Are you serious!? You _bought_ all this?!"

Damn Kaoru for being so perceptive!

"Would you look at the time! We gotta go Kaoru! Now where did I put my cellphone...?"

I was laughing but in all seriousness I really had no idea where I put that phone...maybe it's still in our room?

Kaoru stopped ranting "Where are you going?"

"Upstairs, I think I left my phone in our room."

Kaoru ran in front of me and stood in the doorway "I'll get it."

Weird...

I continued to stare at him "That's ok Kaoru...I got it..."

His looked nervous as I walked past him and ran up the stairs skipping two at a time. I turned the corner and opened the door.

What...the Fuck?!

There was glass everywhere!

The bed covers were strewn across the floor amidst the broken shards. My gaze moved up from the covers and over to the actual bed where Kaoru's pajamas were neatly folded on his side. I then moved on to the dresser, where it looked like our mirror freaking exploded!

I tiptoed across the floor to the mirror, trying my hardest not to get glass stuck in the bottom of my shoes. When I got there I noticed Kaoru's flip phone was laying on the dresser, snapped in half, as if it was thrown at the mirror.

I opened one of the drawers and fished around for an undershirt. When I found one I wrapped my hands in it and carefully pick up the screen to Kaoru's cell. It was frozen on something from the notes section of his phone:

_Hello. My name is Kaoru Hitachiin and I am a happy person._

* * *

**-Ouran Academy (English Class) Kaoru's POV-**

It was the last class of the day and one of the only ones I didn't share with Hikaru. He was in Chemistry right now.

Or was it Math?

Science?

Sensei was giving a lesson on English sentence structure but I wasn't listening. All I could think about was my...'sudden outburst' this morning. It was more like temporary insanity but I'll leave it as a momentary lapse in judgement.

I just wish I knew what he was thinking right now.

When he came back down all he said was that his phone wasn't up up there and left it at that. Even during the limo ride here he hadn't said a word.

I don't know what happened. It just...hit me, consumed me.

All of the anger, all of the sorrow...

_All of the regret I have for still being in his life..._

"Hitachiin!"

I snapped out of my misery "Yes Sensei?"

"Translate number six on the board please."

I looked up at the board. It was full of sentences I hadn't even seen her write "Six, 'Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.'"

That was...oddly specific for a practice sentence...

I watch Sensei raise an eyebrow "Very good, for someone who never bothers to pay attention in class anymore. Tell me, how far have you gotten in your worksheet Mr. Hitachiin?"

I looked down at my paper. How far? I haven't even written my name on it!

"I've only made it to number 4." I lied.

She was just about to walk over to me when there was a knock at the classroom door. The student closest to the door walked over and opened it, sticking her head out and talking to whoever was on the other side.

She brought her head back in "It's one of the seniors, Sensei. He's here to promote something for the principle and wants to know if he's interrupting anything."

Sensei looked back at me and squinted "No, nothing at all...tell him to come in."

The girl nodded and open the door wider before walking back to her seat. The boy who entered seemed to slink in, flipping his blond hair out of his face to expose his...Amethyst eyes? Oh no...

The room was filled with the sounds of giggling schoolgirls as he took his place in front of the board, holding a stack of laminated cards.

"Good afternoon Princesses and Gentleman alike. Most of you I've already had the pleasure of making acquaintance with but for those I haven't my name is Tamaki Suoh." He began, polite as always. I couldn't help but think he was very articulate, for a moron.

He continued, rather entusiastically "I'm here on behalf of the Chairman to help promote a new anti-suicide program for Ouran Academy-"

You have GOT to be kidding me...

"-so what is it that might cause someone to start down the road to suicide?" he began, "Basically, it starts with the loss of hope, the thought that people around you would be better off without you, that no one cares and that 'everything will go away if I go away'-"

Was he talking...to me? What was this an anime? I just happen to think of suicide and suddenly the chairman has his son running around telling people not to kill themselves.

"-while the feelings of despair over finances, anguish due to failed relationships, feelings of sadness or crying for no specific reason may cause someone to look for a way out, suicide does not solve any problems. In fact, it makes things worse, especially for those left behind."

_Worst? Things will only worsten if I DON'T leave..._

"This is why I've taken the liberty of creating these!" He struck an overdramatic pose, holding the laminated cards, "I call them Ace cards! A.C.E: 'Ask your friend, Care for your friend, Escort your friend'!" He looked around the room, "Could one of you princesses help me pass these out?"

I could hear some of the guys muttering something along the lines of 'there he goes again' while everyone without a Y chromosome was jumping at the chance to pass out his stupid cards.

He sauntered over to the closest one, handing her half of the stack of cards "How about you, my lovely flower?"

She fainted...

"Ok...how about you?" He asked the nearest guy.

"Alright, but if you hit on me I'm calling the cops."

"..."

He quickly turned back to the class, passing out the other half of the stack "I've also come up with a new motto for the school: 'Dum Spiro Spero', which translated to Japanese means 'While I Breathe, I Hope.' As long as you are alive, there is hope, a way out, a chance that things will change, and a certainty that things will eventually work out."

As they went around the classroom I couldn't help dwelling on what he had just said.

While I breathe, I hope...

Hope? What would he know about hope!?

_The only hope there is for Hikaru is for me to disappear._

_Permanently._

As they made it to my side of the room Tamaki's grin grew brighter still "Kaoru! I didn't know you had this class!" He beamed.

"Go away boss."

"Seriously," he continued anyway, "I assumed you would be taking Physics with your brother right now."

So that's where he was "Does it matter where I am?"

His smile faltered a little "No...I guess not, still a Father should always make it a point to know where his children are at all times."

"I told you," I huffed, "your not my- GET THAT CARD OUT OF MY FACE!"

"Take good care of that! I made it with love!" I took the card and watched him practically skip back to the front of the class "Does everyone have a card? Ok, I can explain them now. As I've said before 'Ace is an acronym for 'Ask, Care, Escort'.

He made an 'A' with his arms above his head "Ask: Ask the person if they are doing ok, if there is something that's bothering them, if there is some way you can help. Ask them if they are considering suicide. Talk openly on the subject. There is no longer public or professional stigma to getting mental health help."

Next, he made a 'C' with his arms "Care: Show support for the person. Let them know you care. Listen to them, and let them know you are always willing to just talk, if that's what they need."

I don't know how the Hell he did it, but he made an 'E' "Escort: Get the person to professional help: a counselor, medical care facility, or mental health professional. Remember, in a time of need, everyone is family."

Family...

I was suddenly reminded of all the times Tono used to go on and on about 'Host Club is Family'. He even wrote it on the whiteboard and made us repeat it for half an hour as part of our 'training to become a host'.

I never knew he was so well informed on the subject.

Maybe I should...

Just then the bell rang.

"Please keep in mind, if you see the signs in someone else or if you recognize them in yourself, make sure they or you get help immediately." He finished before being swarmed by fangirls.

"Can we have the honor of escorting _you_ upstairs?"

"Of course, my delicate cherry blossoms."

Ugh...Hikaru was right, those girls WERE easy!

I put my books back in my bag as Tamaki and his entourage made there way to the music room.

I could feel a headache coming as I pushed my chair in and walked to the door. I made a left and headed for the staircase.

"Kaoru. A word please."

I turned around "Kyoya Senpai?"

Kyoya was leaning against the wall next to the classroom door, one hand in his pocket "Its your turn to choose our next cosplay."

I blinked "It is?"

Kyoya stood up straight, putting his other hand in his pocket and walking past me "We have 30 minutes before Club starts, plenty of time to discuss."

* * *

**-Kyoya's POV-**

I walked towards Stairwell B while Kaoru followed. Honestly I couldn't have cared less what theme he chose. I only used it as an excuse to talk on a count of it being my day to watch over him.

He walked a little faster to catch up with me. When he was at my side I noticed he was watching the ground as he walked.

_Avoiding eye contact._

"Your going to crash into a wall if you keep that up."

"Huh? Oh...yeah your right..."

"What's wrong with you? Hikaru finally stopped putting out?" I smirked.

Kaoru's cheeks went ablaze "WHA-?! NO!"

"So he still is?"

He was growing redder by the second "NO! I mean Yes! I mean, wait WHAT?!"

I just laughed "Let's go. We don't wanna keep your boyfriend waiting now do we?"

He knitted his eyebrows "Why the rush, Mommy? So eager to get to Daddy?" He mocked.

This time I furrowed mine as we finally reached the staircase. He wins this one "He's worried about you y'know."

I watched his smirk fade "Yeah well so is everyone else..."

"Why is that?"

He slung his bag over his shoulder and buried his hands in his pockets "Hey, where's your bag?"

"In the music room along with my laptop. Now that your done changing the subject are you going to answer my question?"

He let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling "Depressed I guess."

"How are you feeling now?"

He looked forward again "My back has been hurting for more than a week now for no reason whatsoever, and I feel like I'm going to vomit...

He giggled as I widened the distance between us.

_Unexplained back and stomach pain._

"How is your school work coming along?"

He let out another sigh "Horrible, I just can't focus anymore, and out of nowhere I just get so agitated! I even snapped at Hikaru for no reason..."

_Difficulty concentrating, random bouts of hostility._

We turned another corner and headed towards stairwell C. I slowed my walk, trying to get as much information as possible. It also hadn't slipped past me that he wasn't going into detail on anything "Anything else?"

He looked straight at me "No that's it..."

So he IS refusing to talk.

Oh well, I've gotten all I needed out of him...

When we finally reached Music Room 3 I walked ahead of him and opened the door "After you," I smirked, "Now about that theme..."

* * *

**(A/N) Rather anti-climactic cliffhanger ending...**

**Anyway its finally here! All will be revealed in the next installment!**

**...which also means there are probably only 3 or 4 more chapters left in this story...meaning it should be finished by this Tuesday actually...**

**(^_^")**


	17. Chapter 17

**(A/N) I'ts the chapter you've all been waiting for! :D**

**I was Up 'till 2 in the morning writing this! I was sooo tired, but I did it just for you guys :D**

**-Review Corner-**

_FreeSketch **;)**_

_Kurophoenix **Yes...yes he is, but honestly he means well :)**_

_As White As Snow **The possiblity of a sequel depends on how I end this now doesn't it? But I may just end up writing a new story all together...twinscest anyone? How do you think something like that starts? ;) Also yeah I did capitalize suicide on purpose to draw people attention to the story. How did he make an 'E'? Well he is the King after all!**_

_GingerHairedTwin **I love that your reading it!**_

_Death the Girl **It walso helps you keep frequently reapuring elements in play.**_

_FroeverTacos21 **I KNEW it! Thats just too cool! I actually managed to keep up the comedy? Im actually amazed with myself...**_

_Alyssa Parker **Honestly it might end in less chapters than that...**_

_bleachfangirl7 **Gladly. In a boyxboy relationship you have whats know as the 'Seme' and the 'Uke', otherwise know as the 'Pitcher' and the 'Catcher'. The Pitcher is the man in the relationship because he "pitches" and the catcher is the woman in the relationship because he "catches" if you catch my drift ;)**_

_**(If you didn't, it means who tops and who bottoms, Hikaru usually being on top, which is why he was surprised Kaoru was cast as the Pitcher since he always bottoms :) This is also why they didn't explain any of this to Haruhi^^)**_

_Kitty and Natty **Are there two of you? lol Actually when I wrote this chapter I was listening to 'Godspeed' by Anberlin :) I'll give your song a listen after I upload this...so honestly I might be listening right as your reading this ;)**_

**And with that, on with the story!**

* * *

***Chapter 17***

***Just Keep Singing Those Lullabies***

**-Tuesday night (Hitachiin Mansion)-**

I got stuck washing Hikaru's burnt dishes...again.

Either he was going to learn how to cook or we were all going to die of carbon poisoning...

Wait...

Was that really possible?!

I shook my head, placing another dish on the rack "Why do we still let him cook?"

I heard voice next to me "How else is he gonna get better?"

"HOLY SHIT...DAD?! Stop sneaking up on me!"

"I've been here this whole time..."

"You...have?"

"Who do you think was rinsing and handing you the dishes?!"

"WHAT!?"

He retreated from kitchen crying "I'm never appreciated in this house!"

"I know your faking Dad!"

"So!"

I laughed and turned back to the sink.

_I'm gonna miss these guys..._

"You missed a spot."

I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was "No I didn't. You just forgot to burn the area next to it." I chuckled.

I could feel the daggers...

"Need any help?"

"Only if you feel like it." I replied, scooting over a bit so he could have some room to work, "I thought you were going on another date tonight?"

He poured more dishsoap into the water "Canceled it."

"WHA- Why?"

He turned towards me, grinning "I couldn't find an outfit that didn't have glass in it."

He was lying, but I understood what he meant.

_He was finally moving on from us, taking his first few steps into the world around him, and I've found another way to stop him._

"Hikaru you don't have to stay here and watch over me. Go! Shoo! Have fun!"

I flicked him with water and he, in turn, dipped a bowl into the water and splashed me with it...

I stepped back from the sink and wrung out the front of my shirt.

Oh, it was on!

2 hours later and our kitchen looked like Aqualad had a showdown with two Waterbenders**. (A/N Teen Titans and Avatar references :3 )**

I raised my hand to move the dripping hair out of my face before turning to my brother "Rock Paper Scissors to see who cleans this up?"

"See ya Kao I'm late for my date!"

"Hikaru!"

"Oh John!~"

A few seconds past before our Butler entered the Kitchen, taking up a rather regal posture, looking around "You called Master Hitachiin?"

"You see this mess?" He grinned

"Yes."

"Good. Now find us a change of clothes, I'm leaving in 20 minutes and I'm helping Kaoru clean up."

He breathed a sigh of relief "Very well Master Hitachiin."

He left the room and Hikaru burst out laughing "Kaoru did you see the look on his face? Priceless!" He wiped a tear away "That's why I love messing with him so much!"

"Wait...so your really leaving?"

"Huh? Yeah, might as well...Come on let's clean this up."

* * *

**-Wednesday (Hitachiin Mansion) 6:49am-**

Today was the day, but...

What do I tell them?

I adjusted my tie in the mirror of the guest bedroom we have to sleep in while ours was being cleaned.

Huh...I never noticed before, but my reflection looks just like Kaoru.

I wonder if his looks like me...

I looked into this Kaoru's eyes, remembering a time when they use to be this bright.

_Kaoru. Please..._

_...please don't fall asleep..._

_Stay with me..._

* * *

**-After School (5 Minutes Before Host Club)-**

"Mommy...Do I really have to go shirtless in front of the princesses?"

"You did it for the Tuscan theme..."

"But mommy thats different! All I'm saying is-ACK-Hikaru watch were your going! Your getting feathers everywhere!"

"Sorry boss! Hey where's Kaoru?"

"Right here! Um...where's my apple?"

"Uh...I know it's here some- ah! Catch!"

"Thanks, is Haruhi dressed yet?"

"I think Haru-chan's still in the back room..."

"Here I am! How do I look?"

"Surprisingly...sexy."

"You shady twin, that's my DAUGHTER your gawking at!"

"SHUT UP TONO!"

"..."

"Ready Takashi?"

"Yeah...where's my spear?"

"Over by the couch. No the other one...yeah! Ok places people! The princesses will arrive at any moment!"

"Aye Aye Boss!"

And with that, the doors to the Host Club finally open, their guests walking into a world of Angels and Demons.

-Kaoru's POV-

Even though I was looking down at the apple in my hands I knew Hikaru was watching me, gazing at me as though he had found true love. It was part of the new script Kyoya and I wrote for today's theme. I was dressed in a lacquer black suit while Hikaru was dressed as an Angel in white.

Our guests had taken it apon themselves to pour their own tea, pleasently content with the looks of bliss and serenity on our faces, not wanting to distract us from our 'brotherly love', otherwise known as trying not to cockblock.

Eventually one just had to ask "Hikaru, why do your wings look so sickly and tattered? Did something happen to them?"

He looked away from me and smiled rather solomnly "It is forbidden by God for an angel to fall in love with a human. The deeper I fall in love the more feathers that fall."

I quickly turned to him pretending to be thoroughly concerned "I told you you have to leave me Hikaru! Without you wings, how will you ever fly back to heaven?"

"I can never go back. Your my greatest sin. I've fallen to earth for you, Kaoru. I love you so much I couldn't give a damn about these wings. They could be ripped from my back just so long as I can stay on Earth, with you Kaoru."

I clutched the apple tighter, "If what you say is true than this is our only hope. The forbidden fruit. Take a bite with me Hikaru, so we can be together in our sins."

He placed a hand over the apple in my hand and shook his head, "Kaoru, I can't let you taint a soul as pure as yours. I've already lost mine, the moment I gazed into your eyes."

I moved his hand and wrapped my arms around him, allowing him to return the embrace "Please! I know if I bite this apple I can never go to Heaven, but I don't want to spend eternity in a place your not allowed to go! I'll gladly cast my soul to Hell if it means I can be with you. If only for just a little longer..."

His face moved closer to mine as more feathers fell "Together..."

I brought the apple to our mouths "Forever..."

"THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!"

We stopped and gave a side glance towards the girls before looking back at each other, smirking.

Too easy.

* * *

**-Tamaki's POV-**

Im cold...

We were doing an angels and demons theme today and I was a demon. My costume consisted of just a pair of wings and a pair of pants.

Mommy had turned the heat down so the adhesive on Hikaru's wings wouldn't melt. I don't know why! They were gonna fall out anyway!

I looked around the room, trying to get my mind off the cold, my eyes landing on Hikaru and Kaoru's table. They were doing a rendition of an old story about a female angel falling in love with a female human. Desperate to find a way to be together, they came across the forbidden fruit and each took a bite. The Angel became a human male and they were together for years until they were finally discovered by God and the woman was killed by his wraith. The angel than gave his life to save her, leaving behind nothing but a single, white feather.

Thus was the curse of the forbidden fruit, giving them the hope that they could be together for the rest of their lives before seperating them forever...hope, that caused them more pain than if the apple had just killed them to begin with.

Such a sad story...

I looked over to Hunny- and Mori-Senpai's table. Hunny was dressed as a little kid, eating a slice of cake while Mori stood over him dressed as an Angel. A Principality to be exact.

"Why are you carrying a spear? I thought angels were suppose to be non-violent?" A girl from their table asked Mori.

Hunny looked up from his cake and looked around "Who are you talking to?" He asked cutely, pretending not to see the giant man holding a spear behind him.

Mori looked at the confused girl and raised a finger to his lips "Shhh." He said quietly, "I'm his Guardian Angel."

The girl next to her turned to her friend and cupped a hand to her mouth, whispering "Oh I get it! They say your not suppose to be able to see your guardian angel until you truly need their help."

Hunny cocked his head to the side and smiled "Whats that about an Angel?"

I then looked at my lovely daughter Haruhi who was talking to Kyoya about who knows what.

They were also dressed as demons. Each wore an identical black suit and Ram horns, Haruhi's being smaller than Kyoya's.

I ran over and threw my arms around her, she just looked so cute!

"Get off me Senpai!"

"But you look so adorable!"

"Your gonna knock off my horns- hey sto- HELP ME!"

I just barely noticed Kyoya walk over to the music rooms double doors "Everyone, may I have your attention." He called out to the room, "I regret to inform you all that the Host Club will be closing early today." He finished, opening one of the doors and politely gesturing outside.

One by one the princesses filed out of the room, heartbroken. It hurt me to see them like that but it had to be done.

Now...How do we get Kaoru to follow them?

Just as the last one left Kyoya closed the door behind her and walked past me, headed back to his table. As he past I whispered "What about Kaoru?"

"Taken care of." He replied, never breaking stride.

I followed him to his table before looking back at the twins couch, watching Hikaru stand up to stretch, leaving a very confused Kaoru "Why are we ending club early?" Kaoru asked him.

Hikaru looked back down at his brother "No clue, but good thing too, I was running out of stuff to say!"

Just then there was a knock at the double doors.

Kyoya looked up from his laptop "Kaoru, could you get the door." He said in more of a telling tone than an asking one.

"What? Can't we have Haruhi do it?"

I could practically feel the evil aura emanating from Kyoya as he adjusted his glasses "Could you repeat that? I couldn't here you from all the way back here."

"I said sure thing Kyoya!"

Kaoru leapt off the couch and threw open the door "Hello and welcome to th-"

"I knew I'd find you here!"

"Sensei? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to you about your grades Mr. Hitachiin. Did you know your failing my class?"

"I am?! Wait I can exp-"

"There will be plenty of time for explanations AFTER we go see the principle."

"THE WHAT?!"

The last thing I saw was Kaoru being dragged off by his ear before Kyoya got back up to close the door again. His hand was still on the doorknob as he put the other one in his pocket and gave me a sideways glance "Taken care of."

I nodded, removing my costume wings and throwing on a shirt before running over to the whiteboard, moving it to the front of the room and grabbing a marker "Gentleman and Haruhi, Operation Spy-on-Kaoru-Until-We-Finally-Find-Out-Whats-Wrong-With-Him-And-Make-Him-Feel-Better-So-We-Can-All-Be-One-Big-Happy-Family-Again has drawn to a close. Now, who would like to go first?"

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

Hunny and I walked over to our bags and pulled out our notebooks. Haruhi just pulled a simple piece of paper from her suit pocket while Kyoya pulled up something on his laptop.

I hadn't written anything about Kaoru since our trip to the amusement park, but none the less I decided to go first. I took off my wings, which barely had any feathers left and placed them on the nearest table, walking up to the board as Tono handed me the marker:

_-Sleeps an average of 12 hours a day_

-_Feels like he's not 'there'_

"12 hour? Are you serious?!" Haruhi exclaimed.

Tamaki raised a hand to his chin, thinking "What do you mean by not 'there'?"

I lowered the marker and looked down at the floor "I'm not sure. It just feels like he's not really there, like he's...a dream..."

I took a deep breath and continued to write:

-_Constant stomach and back pain_

I let out a sigh and gave the marker back to Tamaki "Thats everything."

No, it wasn't...

Tono looked over to Hunny "Would you like to go next Senpai?"

Hunny bounced up to the board and accepted the marker before shifting Usa-Chan under his left arm so he could flip through his stickered covered notebook before writing:

-_Psychomotor Retardation_

_-Decreased Situational Awareness_

This time it was Kyoya's turn to ask "Care to elaborate the second bullet, Senpai?"

"When Kao-chan was over my house last Friday he spaced out a lot, to the point of not even noticing when someone left or entered a room."

"I see."

He handed the marker back and took a seat next to his cousin.

"Your turn Mommy!" Tamaki beamed.

Kyoya pinched the bridge of his nose before taking the marker, scrolling his laptop one final time and walking up to the board:

-_Random acts of Agression_

I watched him toss the marker back. So I'm not the only one whose noticed how hostile Kaoru was becoming.

Tamaki turned to Haruhi "Have you noticed anything?"

Haruhi took her turn, coming to the board with her tiny piece of paper and writing:

-_Indesicion_

-_Difficulty Concentrating_

"Next is Mori-Senpai and then you, right Senpai?"

Tamaki nodded as Haruhi handed Mori the marker. Mori let out a sigh and stood up, laying his spear across the table before walking over and writing:

-_Anxiety_

-_Keeps holding his wrist_

-_Keeps watching Hikaru_

Hunny nodded his head "Now that you mention it, I've seen all that stuff too, Takashi."

I was too busy staring at the board to listen to what Hunny was saying "Keeps watching...me?"

I heard Hunny speak again "Yeah. Whenever he sneaks glances at you he always looks like he's about to cry. I wonder why? Hey isn't it your turn Tama-chan?"

Tono held out his hand as Mori handed him the marker. He then put the marker behind his ear and started flipping through his notebook.

He was the last one, you'd think he'd be ready by now!

FInally he found the page before reaching for the marker again:

-_Irritability_

-_Doesn't have that same sparkle in his eyes_

-_Weight loss_

-_Hair is losing its sheen_

-_Just looks so sad all the time_

He went on to write at least 7 more bullets on his posture alone before Kyoya went wide-eyed "That...can't be!"

Tono turned around "Oh it is! I keep telling him he needs to pull his shoulders back and walk with confidence instead o-"

"No you idiot...Look at his symptoms!" He said before going back over to his laptop and typing quicker than usual.

I looked over the bullet points again "It looks like...clinical depression."

Kyoya stopped typing, scrolling through whatever information he had pulled up "No, if I'm right, its not just depression. I thi-" he stopped talking, apparently he had found what he was looking for.

He kept alternating his gaze from the board to his laptop and back at the board again, comparing. Kyoya shook his head "I was right." He looked up at us "There are actually different forms of clinical depression. What Kaoru has...is know as psychotic depression."

The room stood still at the word psychotic, Kyoya looked back at his laptop screen and continued, "It's a special form of severe depression in which the individual experiences psychotic symptoms. Psychotic depression is characterized by not only depressive symptoms, but also by delusions, a break from reality...irrational thoughts and fears, an entire breakdown in their thought process."

"Delusions..." I whispered, more to myself than anyone else.

_"It's getting harder and harder to tell whats real anymore..."_

_"I need help..."_

"Paranoid delusions or delusions of guilt may be the most common psychotic symptom. Patients who experience delusional guilt may believe that they are being punished for past misdeeds or are responsible for problems they couldn't possibly be responsible

_"Dont you ever get tired of always being around me?"_

_"Because I'm too big a part, Hikaru. A little time away from me will do you some good, you cou-"_

"Whenever he sneaks glances at you he always looks like he's about to cry."

_"Don't pretend like you don't know whats going on!"_

_"Together forever, IS THAT IT?! Seperate from the rest of the world? 'Us' and 'them'?! Locked in our on little world?"_

"People with psychotic depression may be humiliated or ashamed of the thoughts and try to hide them. Doing so makes this type of depression very difficult to diagnose. Diagnosis is extremely important because one episode of psychotic depression increases the chance of bipolar disorder, recurring episodes of psychotic depression, mania, and even...suicide..."

_"I just wanna go to sleep and forget everything..."_

Kaoru...

Why were you lying to me?

The entire room turned towards me, staring at me as if I had already lost him.

"Hikaru." Kyoya spoke, "Are you telling us everything you know?"

I bit my lip and took a step back.

Kyoya took this as my answer "Hikaru, please. I know there are things that you two would only share with each other, things you would take to your graves, but _please, _you have to tell us what he told you! His life could be act stake!"

"I can't! I can't just throw away his trust like that..."

I covered my face with my hands and sat in the nearest chair, rubbing my face, still unsure of what to do. Kyoya fell silent again, giving me time to think.

Why was this so DIFFICULT?

I drew in another deep breath.

Kaoru...

...I'm so sorry...

* * *

**(A/N) Did I write a cliffhanger again? Im being a butt again, lol**

**Oh and congradulations to **_FreeSketch _**for coming the closest out of anyone here to guessing whats wrong with him^^ And thus I'm depicating the ending to you! **

**So If you guys don't like the ending...or the fact that it IS ending, blame this person! :P**


	18. Chapter 18

**(A/N) This is the final chapter. Thank you all for enjoying the inner mechinations of my mind^^ Its been such a pleasure writing for you guys :D**

**-Review Corner-**

_Death the Girl **Thank you! I'm happy this story had such a wonderful impact^^ **_

_(Guest)** No , thank you! Anonymous Reader!**_

_Kurophoenix **Will they help him? Lets find out...**_

_FreeSketch **lol, thank you! when I started writing this I really didn't think it would become this popular^^ also HAPPY NEW YEAR (or should I say HAPPY DAY 2!)**_

_Kitty and Natty **I know the feeling, lol**_

_SpitfireChick **Im so happy right now! Thank you sooo much^^**_

_bleachfangirl7 **Any time^^**_

_As White As Snow __**Ah dilemmas, a writers best friend, lol, Oh and y**_**our not bugging me, I actually find it quite flattering. Seriously its like a huge compliment to me^^**

_GingerHairedTwin **Mine too! Hope you enjoy the ending ;)**_

_FroeverTacos21 **YES! WOOT! I managed to write comedy! I feel so awesome right now :D**_

_Nayomi-Kiiroibara **Not a fan particularly but I did wall in love with that one :3**_

_KittenLove55 **Thank you, you make my head feel happy :3**_

_Alyssa Parker **Behold! The next update! oooo aaaah**_

_Troth **Im actually working on a couple new stories write now but I haven't even given them names yet so you won't be seeing those for a while...**_

_xXEpicPrincessXx **Mori in a wig, your welcome ;)** _

**And now, the exciting conclusion!**

* * *

***Chapter 18***

***Our Everlasting...***

**"All dreams must come to an end- but how long before this one is forgotten?"**

* * *

**-Thursday Morning (Hitachiin Mansion) 6:24am-**

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I stepped out of the shower, deciding to use the towel to dry my hair instead of wrapping it around my waist.

I let the towel hang from my head and walked over to the sink, looking into the mirror.

I could see Kaoru in my reflection again, how betrayed he looked...

_Kaoru...I'm sorry...I had to tell them._

"Y'know I never asked you how your Date went."

I jumped "Hey Kaoru! You're up early!"

"What?"

"...what?"

"Hikaru, are you feeling alright, you look a little...wanky..."

"Really Kaoru? 'Wanky'?"

"Yep! Wanky. Now tell me what happened with you and Cherry Blossom, I'm dying of boredom over here! I need entertainment!"

"Sakura!"

"Thats what I said. Cherry Blossom!"

I leaned back against the sink as Kaoru sat on the edge of the tub "Again...Hilarious..." I deadpanned, "Anyway it was great! She acts just like you Kaoru!"

"So basically...you like her because you have a crush on me but since I dont have a vagina shes the next best thing?"

"No, Im saying I have a crush on you but since you refused to kiss me the other day, I've moved on to someone else."

He stood back up and took a step towards me "Wanna try again?" He smirked.

I just laughed and turned back to the mirror "Get dressed, Kaoru." I chortled.

"Chicken."

I turned on my heels, grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall, catching him off guard. I pressed my forehead to his "Oh," I whispered, moving my lips to his ear, "I'm not scared...but..." I smiled against his face, "...are you?"

I held in my laughter as I could practically hear his heart beating in his throat.

I made my voice as seductive as I could "Whats wrong, Kaoru...chicken?" I let my hands run down to his hips "I'm ready..."

His cheeks lit on fire "Y-you win." He stuttered.

I let go and slid down the wall next to him, holding my sides, howling with laughter "When will you learn?" I cackled, "Thats why I'm the seme, you can't beat me!"

He slid down the wall with me "Yeah, whatever. I might've won if you weren't naked..." He simpered.

"That face is adorable!" I placed a hand on his head, "Maybe, if you weren't my brother, I'd have a crush on you, but for now, I think I might be in love with sakura..."

"Really? But...what about Haruhi?"

I let my hand fall from his hair, turning to look at the sink "Haruhi and Tono would be a better match...I mean, he's an idiot, but look what he's done for us. For all of us! Me, you, Hunny, Mori, everyone! Lets face it...he's just a better man than me..."

I felt Kaoru lean against me, giving me a much needed hug "Don't give up before you've tried, Hikaru."

"I have tried. Maybe it's just time to...move on...Oh!" I turned back to him, "I just remembered, Sakura is coming to the music room tomorrow!"

* * *

**-Ouran Academy (lunch time)-**

**-Kyoya's POV-**

I had decided to spend lunch in the music room today. I was on the internet looking through recently published articles on depression. I was sure I could find something here that could help us, or at least find a way to convince him to come to one of my family's treatment facilities.

"Your not eating anything?"

I looked up from the screen "What are you doing here, Tamaki? ...and what are all those books for?"

He dropped the books on the nearest table and I swear I saw dust fly out of them "I've been going through these old medical books trying to find out more about depression. I've learned a lot! Like how in this one it says if a patient goes blind the only sensible thing to do is to lock them in their basement so they wont hurt themselves or scare others with their eyes- Kyoya why did you just smack yourself in the forhead?"

"Tamaki...how old are those books?"

He picked up one that was leather bound "This one is from 1871!" He beamed, "The binding here is quite exquisite- you really should stop doing that, you'll give yourself a headache..."

Why do I even bother?

"Tamaki, you can't use outdated information, you'll only make things worst."

He went wide-eyed and dropped the book.

I shook my head and went back to my research just as Tamaki pulled out a chair and sat next to me.

I gave him a quick glance out of the corner of my eye, just catching his solomn expression before fixing my glasses and turning my attention back to my screen, "I'm just as concerned as you are. The only logical answer is regular doses of prescription anti-depressents and constant surveillance. From what Hikaru told us yesterday, I can almost make a guess on the origin and center of Kaoru's delusions."

"They're about Hikaru, right?"

"Yes. Based on Kaoru's word choices, I can assume he believes they are growing too close together but, why would that upset him?"

I waited for Tamaki's input. When it didn't come, I finally X'd out the article I was reading and shut down my computer. I got up, pushed in my chair, and was just about to leave when Tamaki finally decided to speak:

"Before joining the Host club, Kaoru and Hikaru only trusted themselves. They didn't have any other friends in school besides each other. Describing the world as "us" and "them," the twins were distrustful and un-kind to others. Since their parents were often away they've also become deeply dependent on each other. Joining the host club and meeting all of us helped them become more independent. Maybe, Kaoru believes its all falling apart; that if they become closer together, Hikaru's attention will become more focused on his brother instead of the rest of the world and he'll go back to his old ways."

I just stood their, frozen, one hand still on my chair.

That couldn't...be...

* * *

**-After School (20 minutes before Host Club)-**

**-Kaoru's POV-**

This was torture!

I was sitting at a table in the back of the music room, frantically trying to finish a weeks worth of homework for 3 different classes!

I couldn't take it anymore! "Haruhi!" I screamed, "I need you!"

"No way. You got yourself in that mess."

I reached my hand out "Hikaru!"

"Coming Mori!"

"YOU KNOW HE DIDN'T CALL YOU!"

I took a deep breathe and closed my many textbooks.

I wonder if Kyoya would-

"No."

OH GOD HE READS MINDS NOW!

"I said no Tamaki, I'm not dressing as a housewife for your commoners cosplay. Besides isn't that an insult to Haruhi, who IS a commoner?"

Oh...he was talking to Tono...

I watched Tono strike a pose "Not an insult, a salute! A tribute! Long live the poor!"

"I'm not poor! I'm middle class Senpai!"

"You might as well be poor if your gonna spend all your time with people like us."

"Nobody asked you Hikaru!"

"Ooh, fiesty!'

"Rich basterds..."

I got up from my table and stretched "I need some tea..."

I walked across the room to the closest table with a tea set, which happened to be hunny's table. I smiled at him before lifting the porcelain kettle and was just about to pour it when I noticed the strangest thing sitting next to it.

What the fuck is this? I thought as I picked it up. There were six more just like it still on the table. I was pretty sure I was suppose to know what it was, but I seriously could not think of its name for the life of me.

I rotated it in my hand and put my other on my hip just as Tono walked over. "You like them? We ordered them a few days ago, they actually weren't suppose to arrive until tomorrow."

I was becoming distraught "Boss, what the Hell is this?"

"So they may not be as beautiful as the other ones but I feel if given the chance they'll catch on quite-"

"I SAID WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TAMAKI?!" I snapped.

I waited for a reply as everyone exchanged looks and gathered around me, who was still wondering why I couldn't get a straight fucking answer.

Hikaru took the object from my hand, staring me straight in the eyes "Its just a teacup, Kaoru..."

Haruhi and Kyoya exchanged looks as Tono just sat down next to Hunny Senpai, who looked to scared to say anything. Mori was standing just behind them. He looked as though he was waiting for me to attack someone.

I looked at each one of their faces, each look of concern cutting deeper and deeper into me, making me feel worse than I already did.

I looked back at the cup, running my hands through my hair, attempting to calm myself down.

How could I forget something like that? I felt as though I had never seen it in my life.

I knew then this wasn't just depression. With each passing day I could feel myself actually loosing control of my mind.

I was so scared.

What the Hell was happening to me?

* * *

**-Tamaki's POV-**

I couldn't take it.

All I could do was sit there...

...and watch.

As my friend's mind slowly deteriorated...

Hikaru set down the cup "Maybe we should go see the nurse? She cou-"

"I'm fine, Hikaru. I told you you don't need to worry about me all the time, its not healthy. I just need some sleep ok? I was up all night with insomnia."

I got up and led him to the couch.

It was all I could do...

When he was finally asleep I finished setting out the rest of the teacups.

"I've never seen you like this Tamaki."

I set down two more cups before looking up and smiling "I'm sorry, Haruhi."

She started helping me with the tables "Why are you apologizing, Senpai?"

We moved on to another table "I'm ruining your day with my bad mood."

"No, your not." She stopped working and poured tea into one of the cups and handed it to me "Here. Try not to think about it too much. We just have to wait for Kyoya to find a way to convince him to get professional help."

I took a sip. She was right, but still...how can I just ignore what was going on?

"I'm such a terrible father..."

"Your concerned, your trying your best and your still there for him. What more could you ask from a father?"

I finished off the cup and set it upside down on its sauser "Thank you, Haruhi."

She pulled me into a hug and layed my head in her hair "Your welcome, I just didn't want you to get another worry lin-"

"I HAVE WORRY LINES?!"

"Wow you bounce back quick..."

* * *

**-Friday Morning (Limo ride to school)-**

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I was so bored again...

I looked over at Hikaru, who had fallen asleep next to me. He usually never fell asleep in the car unless hea was up all night doing homework or something.

Hikaru was right, I do look adorable when I sleep...

At least I would assume so, considering we look exactly alike...

I looked back out of the window. Things were going to be so awkward in school today...

At least Hikaru was considerate enough to not bring up what happened when we got back home yesterday.

Probably because he was scared of what I would tell him...

I shook the thought from my head, willing something more pleasent to take its place.

Oh! Hikaru's new girlfriend was visiting the host club today!

Hm...He never told me what she looked like though...

* * *

**-After School (During host club)- **

**-Hikaru's POV-**

I just thought of something...

If me and Kaoru are suppose to pretend to be in love, where will Sakura fit in when she gets here?

I took Kaoru's hand in mine "-and do you know what my darling brother does next?"

"What did he say?" One of the guests asked.

"Well of all things, he goes and-"

"Hikaru, thats too embarassing!"

"But Kaoru," I raised his hand to my cheek, "what you did was just so...sexy!"

The squealing of our guests told us our improve was working. Honestly I should start writing scripts in advance...

I turned to our guests "Excuse me ladies, I need to go to the restroom." It gave me more time to think, but also I really did have to pee.

* * *

**-Kaoru's POV-**

"Would you like some more tea ladies?"

What was taking him so long? Was he writing a novel in there?

"Can you excuse for a second? I have to go find my brother."

I let myself up and walked towards the double doors. Maybe on his way to the restroom he saw Sakura coming down the hallway and they've been talking this whole time.

I took a step into the hallway, closing the door behind me "Hikaru? Are you out here?" I looked down either end of the hallway...nobody.

Remembering my dream, I didn't eactly want to go down an empty hallway looking for him...again... so I decided to wait by the door. It saved me the embarssment of just sitting there, staring at our guests, since Hikaru was better than me at improve.

5 minutes later and still no Hikaru. What did he take a shit and decide to make the toilet paper from scratch?

Just then I saw someone coming down the hallway, it wasn't Hikaru though, it was a girl. She had jet black, shoulder length hair and skin as pale as mine. She wasn't wearing a school uniform so it was safe to assume she didn't go here.

When she saw me she waved and ran down the hall. When she reached me she threw her arms around me and...and...

Kissed me?!

She pulled back "I finally found you! So when are you going to introduce me to your brother?"

"That...IS MY BROTHER!"

I was still in shock...

...and apparently she was to when she started seeing double "H-Hikaru? Whats going...wait, you didn't tell me he was your TWIN brother!"

"That shouldn't have been a problem," he spat.

_This was... my fault..._

"He looks just like you!"

"We're two different people, HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?!"

_I caused this!_

"I'M SORRY OK!"

"I can't believe I actually trusted you! Your just like the rest of them! The first time, the very first time I actually decide to trust one of you and you can't even tell me from my brother!"

"YOUR IDENTICAL TWINS!

"HE'S NOT ME!"

This was the first time he's ever trusted a girl other than Haruhi.

_And I ruined it...just like the rest of his life!_

"Come on Kaoru, lets go."

"What about me?"

"YOU?! You can just go! We're done!"

_I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!_

* * *

**-Hikaru's POV-**

"Kaoru's always telling me I need to expand my horizons; step out into the world around me. What for? Everyone in it is just as big a moron as you are you stupid bitch!"

Just then Kaoru pulled something out of his pocket and Sakura let out a piercing scream "I'm sorry! I'm SORRY! Please...PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

The music room doors flew open "Whats happe- Kaoru put down the knife!"

I watched on in horror as Kaoru held up his hand and aimed the blade at his wrist "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

_No..._

I held up my hands up above my head, showing I wasn't a threat. I didn't know how to react "I don't understand Kaoru!"

Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was shaking "You have to get away from me Hikaru! Please...GET AWAY FROM ME! Everything...everything I do has been holding you back! Like just now...my very _existance_ is keeping you from finding happiness Hikaru!"

I took a step forward, he took a step back "You ARE my happiness, Kaoru!"

At this time everyone in the music room had filed into the hallway to see what was going on.

He pulled up his sleeve and brought the knife closer to his wrist.

Hunny and Mori lunged forward and tackled him. Hunny held down his arms as Mori pried the knife from his hand.

Kaoru just stared at me, tears cascading down his face as he was being held down "Please...stop letting me do this to you..."

The girls were crying. Haruhi and Tamaki slowly walked up behind me, holding up their hands up in a similar fashion.

Kaoru started to struggle "WHY DO YOU LET ME DO THIS?!" He screamed.

I can't stand to see him like this.

I can't watch him do this to himself.

I need to help him!

Somehow I have to save him!

I took another step "Kaoru, I-"

He managed to break free and took off down the hallway.

I ran after him "Kaoru!"

Neither one of us was faster than the other but he had a head start. I followed as he turned the corner and ran up the staircase.

No...

He was headed for the roof!

I willed myself to go faster.

Somehow I slowly started catching up to him. I reached my hand out just as he was about to run through the door...

...and missed.

* * *

**-Kaoru's POV-**

I didn't stop running until I was 3 feet from the edge.

"KAORU! STOP!"

I turned towards him and took a step back "Stop Hikaru! Please just stop! Your only condemning yourself by trying to save me! I'm just a parasite Hikaru! All I've done all these years was keep you locked up, locked away from anything that wasn't me Hikaru!"

He was about 10 feet from me. I watched him take a few cautious steps, stopping when I took another step back, another step closer to the edge "Kaoru, I've been up all night thinking... and I remembered what Tono said before. I think you're mistaken. Sure, until now, we may have lived our lives the wrong way... I depended on you. The problem is that we didn't accept anyone."

I took another step back, I could feel myself teetering on the edge, "But doing this- Kaoru, we're twins! Isn't it an incredible gift? Normal people can only face their future alone... you and I can face it together! We won't depend on each other, from now on, we'll influence each other!"

He smiled and took one final step forward, holding out his hand to me, "If we don't forget this, then for sure a future twice as fun as anyone else's awaits us! That's why we'll always stay together, even after this. Because we can't do otherwise...You do know that's why twins are born, right?"

He held his hand out further. He was...smiling.

I...was wrong...

I reached for his hand, trying to wipe away the tears "Hikaru...Hikaru I'm sorr-"

I lost my footing and felt the world give way beneath my feet just as I grabbed his hand.

I could feel myself falling.

After all that...

After all that...I was going to die anyway...

But...

Why?

Why could I still feel the warmth of his palm against mine?

* * *

**-Friday (Ootori Residence)-**

There were two young men sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. One with blond hair and Amethyst eyes held the remote while the other, with darkened hair and glasses, typed away at a laptop.

Eventually the blond stopped on a channel that made the other look up from his work.

It was a news broadcast:

"Its been exactly one year since the joint deaths of the twin sons of popular fashion designer Yuzuha Hitachiin. A special service is being held on their estate. We are now going live with Minato Higarashi on location:

"I am here at the memorial service of 15 year old twin brothers Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, where a delicate lullaby can be heard in the background as Yuzuha Hitachiin herself delivers the eulogy. One year ago young Kaoru started showing signs of severe depression and attempted suicide by jumping from the roof of his high school. When his brother tried to stop him, tragically both boys fell. After being rushed to a private Ootori run medical treatment facility, young Kaoru miraculously survived, while his brother, was pronounced dead at 8:52pm. Over-run with grief over the death of his brother, his twin was later transferred to that same facility's mental hospital for help, where unbenownst to anyone, he made a second attempt, this time succeeding and found the following morning at 11:24am with both wrists slit. It is a sad day wh-"

The TV was turned off, the two boys no longer finding it in their hearts to continue listening.

The blond, unable to take it any longer, let his head fall against the other's shoulder...and cried...

...and cried...

...and cried.

* * *

**(A/N) and thats the end of their story...**


End file.
